Mental Health Dojo

ShenSun

Site Staff
Joined
Jul 24, 2018


Welcome to the Mental Health section of the Dojo

It's important we all have an area to express ourselves when times are tough or when we're facing personal issues

If you're struggling with any kind of Mental Health problem (Anxiety, Depression, Self Worth etc), feel free to discuss it here.

We're all here to help each other and it's important we all look out for one another going forward

Never ever feel you're alone. We're all in this together

"Keep friends, those you love close to you"
 
Last edited:
Joined
Jul 28, 2018
Location
London
After more than five months of searching, a flood of job opportunities came my way last week. Four companies wanting to interview me and another turning me down but saying they will interview me if I was (very) flexible on the salary expectations. One of the companies moved very quickly. Literally, on the phone after each of the two initial interviews they told me I got to the next stage. After the final interview, they got back to me the same day to let me know that would love to have me on board.

Now this is where the dilemma comes in. This job pays significantly less than what I was on before and it's a sales role. I don't mind the role per se but don't want to get back into sales unless the base salary is worth it. On the other hand, I'm on to the third stage of a role that would be ideal for me (on paper) and pays more than what I was on previously. They are, however, moving slowly compared to the other role. I done the second interview this week and only after chasing feedback was I told ingot through and be sent details for the this interview on Friday but it didn't happen.

The most telling thing, and the reason I'm posting this here I guess, is when I was offered the job first mentioned, I wasn't happy at all. Despite burning through savings, increasing my debt and getting down about it every now and again, I'm actually not looking forward to getting back to work.
 
Joined
Aug 3, 2018
Hey guys,


Grateful to see this thread. It has been a very tough year. Our apartment wanted to go up on rent by nearly $200. My mother was going to move out and give us the home(she's 74 now). She backed out last minute, leaving us stranded with nowhere to go except back to her house to move in until we could save for a house.

She made no attempt to accommodate our move, despite encouraging us to just come stay there. It was so messy that my wife completely broke the final night we moved out of our apartment. Nearly all of our possessions are in storage.

Since my father's death, my mother's bipolar disorder has intensified. She cannot control her finances(blows through money on nothing), is a very bad alcoholic and the home I grew up in is cluttered with junk and disarray, whereas it used to never be.

Her status is so bad even my older half brother, who is 54, has given up on helping her. I've tried also, but to no avail. She spends money, gets herself into big financial trouble and somehow blames my father, who has been dead almost 4 years soon. It is everyone's fault but her own.


We've survived, but barely. My wife is barely holding on. The children are homeschooled due to the pandemic, all extracurricular activity restricted also(playgrounds, etc.) She's stuck out in the country with the kids in a messy home.

On a small silver lining, my father's office has sold and we found a home we truly love, especially my wife. My father specified it go to me, but my mother, in her drunken stupors, still threatened me over the proceeds, despite it already being a done deal. I told her she is unbecoming of a mother and a grandmother and she's threatened my children for the final time.

We put the bid in, but haven't heard yet. She wants it so badly and I haven't seen her so hopeful and happy in months. I pray she won't be heartbroken, as I don't know if she'll survive it if we lose it.
 

bcdcdude

Dude with tweed :)
Joined
Aug 20, 2018
Location
United Kingdom
Favourite title
Shenmue
Currently playing
Yakuza: Like A Dragon / Shenmue II
PSN
bcdcdude
Steam
bcdcdude
I'm really glad this thread exists as i've had such sadness recently. My circumstances are unusual in that I still live with my parents and my brother and i'm in my mid-30's. The reason is two fold; one is that I have been saving for almost a decade to get a deposit for my own place and the second is that my family had dire financial straits and I had to bail them out. In return, I pay the loan instead of rent and they are slowly able to gain a better credit score.

Whilst this has been happening, in recent years i've finally gotten out of my shell and gotten a love for travelling (although only with friends as i'm too anxious to go by myself). From the age of 13 to 29, I never left the country; in the last 6 years i've been to Canada, America, Japan and half a dozen European countries. I also have an incredible passion for live music, so I go to many gigs both intimate and massive. So of course, when the virus hit, to have everything cancelled was a massive blow. One thing that helps me with my mental health is knowing i've always got something to look forward to. I plan my days and weeks meticulously and struggle with spontenauety (although I wish I could do it).

So living at home with your parents and brother in your mid-30's in lockdown isn't easy. 4 people with 4 different personalities makes things hard. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and they've always been supportive, but because I am an INFJ (I am incredibly sensitive and gentle hearted), it makes confrontation hard and I panic. My brother has a mental health issue, but wheras i'm melancholic and sad, he always seems angry, so it's hard for me to talk to him. I'm scared he also might have a drinking problem. It's getting so bad that I can't go to sleep until I know he is home safe which is leaving me exhausted at times.

My other problem is that my girlfriend lives in Japan. Prior to meeting her 3 years ago, I only ever had one proper girlfriend and that was a miserable time, so to have someone in my life who finally cared about me made me so happy. Her visa ran out over 2 years ago and since then, we've only seen each other twice. She works for the Pokémon company and is also a children's illustrator, so she is always busy and exhausted. Because of that, she doesn't get the opportunity to talk that much (4 hours commute and working until 3am every night to get 4 hours sleep must take it out of you). As it stands, I haven't heard from her in over two weeks (the worst was a month) and i'm always anxious she will say the relationship is not worth it due to the virus and the distance. All the while, i'm saving up for a house for the two of us and I also have a chunk of money set aside to go back to Japan given the chance (I sold all my Sonic F4F statues to do this).

So the last few weeks have been tough with my wings clipped, walking on eggshells around my family, an increase in anxiety and stress at work. I kinda had a mini breakdown last week and just wanted to cry my eyes out. It warmed my heart to get so many comforting messages from friends and family from as far as Canada and Chile. Tomorrow, I begin therapy to combat my social anxiety disorder.

So i'm sorry for the rambling message, but it's good to write it down in a safe place. My heart sinks at today's news of potentially 6 months of further restrictions. I've been avoiding taking leave in the hope that things would get better, but knowing it's not just makes me so sad. Despite my social anxiety, i'm a paradox in that I crave human interaction or at least to be around people (like in a cinema or a café where I don't need to talk to people). I miss the freedom of travel and I miss my girlfriend so, so much.

It also goes without saying that the world is frightening at the moment. The last few years in the UK have been terrifying with such anger and hatred. I class myself as centre-left and hate the extreme left and right. Even stuff like forums (not this place luckily) seem like a den of hatred and it makes me sad that so many people are so bitter. I don't know how people can put up with such a constant barrage of negativity...

In a way, I guess i'm lucky in that I have a relatively stable job (I work in local government in education) and working at home has allowed me to rapidly increase my savings, but at the cost of my mental health, i'm not sure if the savings are worth it.

Even when it's all over, it'll take me ages to feel comfortable doing things again. Many of my friends have seen been married or have children, so wishing things would go back the way it used to be is fruitless. I guess I just feel lonely.

Thank you for reading my ramblings~
 
Last edited:

Truck_1_0_1_

I Don't Know, but I Have You!
Joined
Aug 5, 2018
Location
Barrie, Ontario, Canada
Favourite title
Shenmue II
Currently playing
Tokyo Xtreme Racer 2 (perfect Subaru run).
PSN
Truck_1_0_1_
Steam
Truck_1_0_1_
Hey guys,


Grateful to see this thread. It has been a very tough year. Our apartment wanted to go up on rent by nearly $200. My mother was going to move out and give us the home(she's 74 now). She backed out last minute, leaving us stranded with nowhere to go except back to her house to move in until we could save for a house.

She made no attempt to accommodate our move, despite encouraging us to just come stay there. It was so messy that my wife completely broke the final night we moved out of our apartment. Nearly all of our possessions are in storage.

Since my father's death, my mother's bipolar disorder has intensified. She cannot control her finances(blows through money on nothing), is a very bad alcoholic and the home I grew up in is cluttered with junk and disarray, whereas it used to never be.

Her status is so bad even my older half brother, who is 54, has given up on helping her. I've tried also, but to no avail. She spends money, gets herself into big financial trouble and somehow blames my father, who has been dead almost 4 years soon. It is everyone's fault but her own.


We've survived, but barely. My wife is barely holding on. The children are homeschooled due to the pandemic, all extracurricular activity restricted also(playgrounds, etc.) She's stuck out in the country with the kids in a messy home.

On a small silver lining, my father's office has sold and we found a home we truly love, especially my wife. My father specified it go to me, but my mother, in her drunken stupors, still threatened me over the proceeds, despite it already being a done deal. I told her she is unbecoming of a mother and a grandmother and she's threatened my children for the final time.

We put the bid in, but haven't heard yet. She wants it so badly and I haven't seen her so hopeful and happy in months. I pray she won't be heartbroken, as I don't know if she'll survive it if we lose it.

*crosses fingers for you*

I'm really glad this thread exists as i've had such sadness recently. My circumstances are unusual in that I still live with my parents and my brother and i'm in my mid-30's. The reason is two fold; one is that I have been saving for almost a decade to get a deposit for my own place and the second is that my family had dire financial straits and I had to bail them out. In return, I pay the loan instead of rent and they are slowly able to gain a better credit score.

Whilst this has been happening, in recent years i've finally gotten out of my shell and gotten a love for travelling (although only with friends as i'm too anxious to go by myself). From the age of 13 to 29, I never left the country; in the last 6 years i've been to Canada, America, Japan and half a dozen European countries. I also have an incredible passion for live music, so I go to many gigs both intimate and massive. So of course, when the virus hit, to have everything cancelled was a massive blow. One thing that helps me with my mental health is knowing i've always got something to look forward to. I plan my days and weeks meticulously and struggle with spontenauety (although I wish I could do it).

So living at home with your parents and brother in your mid-30's in lockdown isn't easy. 4 people with 4 different personalities makes things hard. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and they've always been supportive, but because I am an INFJ (I am incredibly sensitive and gentle hearted), it makes confrontation hard and I panic. My brother has a mental health issue, but wheras i'm melancholic and sad, he always seems angry, so it's hard for me to talk to him. I'm scared he also might have a drinking problem. It's getting so bad that I can't go to sleep until I know he is home safe which is leaving me exhausted at times.

My other problem is that my girlfriend lives in Japan. Prior to meeting her 3 years ago, I only ever had one proper girlfriend and that was a miserable time, so to have someone in my life who finally cared about me made me so happy. Her visa ran out over 2 years ago and since then, we've only seen each other twice. She works for the Pokémon company and is also a children's illustrator, so she is always busy and exhausted. Because of that, she doesn't get the opportunity to talk that much (4 hours commute and working until 3am every night to get 4 hours sleep must take it out of you). As it stands, I haven't heard from her in over two weeks (the worst was a month) and i'm always anxious she will say the relationship is not worth it due to the virus and the distance. All the while, i'm saving up for a house for the two of us and I also have a chunk of money set aside to go back to Japan given the chance (I sold all my Sonic F4F statues to do this).

So the last few weeks have been tough with my wings clipped, walking on eggshells around my family, an increase in anxiety and stress at work. I kinda had a mini breakdown last week and just wanted to cry my eyes out. It warmed my heart to get so many comforting messages from friends and family from as far as Canada and Chile. Tomorrow, I begin therapy to combat my social anxiety disorder.

So i'm sorry for the rambling message, but it's good to write it down in a safe place. My heart sinks at today's news of potentially 6 months of further restrictions. I've been avoiding taking leave in the hope that things would get better, but knowing it's not just makes me so sad. Despite my social anxiety, i'm a paradox in that I crave human interaction or at least to be around people (like in a cinema or a café where I don't need to talk to people). I miss the freedom of travel and I miss my girlfriend so, so much.

It also goes without saying that the world is frightening at the moment. The last few years in the UK have been terrifying with such anger and hatred. I class myself as centre-left and hate the extreme left and right. Even stuff like forums (not this place luckily) seem like a den of hatred and it makes me sad that so many people are so bitter. I don't know how people can put up with such a constant barrage of negativity...

In a way, I guess i'm lucky in that I have a relatively stable job (I work in local government in education) and working at home has allowed me to rapidly increase my savings, but at the cost of my mental health, i'm not sure if the savings are worth it.

Even when it's all over, it'll take me ages to feel comfortable doing things again. Many of my friends have seen been married or have children, so wishing things would go back the way it used to be is fruitless. I guess I just feel lonely.

Thank you for reading my ramblings~

It's too bad that it seems like there's one blow after another; all I can say is to keep fighting the best you can: eventually, there will be little lights at the end of the tunnel, as Valascaziel mentioned at the end of his post.

In 2010, when I was 21, I was over the moon with my life; I had just finished my second year of University, I was down to 192 pounds (the lightest I had been since I was 12/13), I was in great talks with a great chick I had met in one of my classes, Jose Bautista went on to have a storybook summer as he led the MLB in Home Runs and the Cincinnati Bengals were coming off their first division win (and playoff appearance), since 2005; everything was going swimmingly.

Then, within a span of 4 months:

1. I got kicked out of my program and my post-secondary education future was in doubt.
2. While I did gain a bit of weight (I was above 216 in 2013. Now I'm 245, working my way back down), that wasn't too big a deal
3. I contracted cancer; a stupid, yet potentially dangerous disease that affects people that were more than double my age and who had abused alcohol/cigarettes/smokables (the latter of which, I've never touched in my life {really, I have never physically touched a cigarette or anything else} and the former, I detest, having only drunk alcohol 2 days in my life).
4. As a result of the cancer, the chick started talking to me less and less, while starting up a conversation with her eventual husband.
5. Bautista had a phenomenal season, but the Jays missed the playoffs.
6. The Bengals were tied for 3rd-worst in the league with a 4-12 record and the team was easily the biggest disappointment in the entire league, that season.

1, 3 and 4 were especially devastating to me, as I was completely unaware that you are graded for participation for tutorials (I would have gotten grades up to 1 full letter higher, had I merely showed up), the healthy and clean young man that I was, got a fluke disease and my first shot at FINALLY starting a relationship with someone, went by the wayside. While the latter 2 were out of my control, since I do not come from a wealthy family, the tutorials I missed were spent working at my part-time job... over 40 hours a week, so that I could pay my way through University.

That year allowed for the biggest change in my life, both from an outlook point of view and lifestyle point of view (not that they were bad or negative in the first place, but I definitely changed as a human being); I learned to be much more appreciative of things and be more positive than I used to be (which, with how positive I always was lol, was hard to do!). Thus, I:

1. Worked my ass off to raise my marks that year (I was a double major, got kicked out of the one I went to Uni for and was in my second major for 2 years), even with cancer making me miss almost a month of classes.
2. Continued to eat well and my weight was still fairly well-maintained (I'm more than comfortable at around 211ish).
3. Kept a super-positive outlook, ate a ton of blueberries (which I hate) and asparagus (which I hate even more! lol), went to all my appointments, tests and abstained from anything that could make my cancer worse.
4. Put the girlfriend stuff aside and really wait for the right one to come along.
5. Looked forward to the Jays improving for 2011
6. Knew that since the Bengals had such a bad year, they would have high draft picks, which is a VERY good thing.

Fast forward another 4-5 months and things improved dramatically:

1. Riding the wave of hardwork, I continued to put in the same effort the next year, got my first A in University and got back into my program, for my 5th and final year (while I earned it through my hard work, I was lucky to have my courses/credits fall the way they did).
2. More of the same lol.
3. Cancer was removed (surgery) and I was deemed cancer free, just a month after said surgery (I was to lose a good portion of my tongue, but it grew back to about 91% or so).
4. Reconnected with my now wife (though we wouldn't start dating until over a year later), whom I had met a year and a half prior.
5. Enjoyed an even BETTER year by both Bautista and the Jays (he was robbed of MVP) and while they still didn't make the playoffs, things were trending up.
6. The Bengals DID have a stellar draft and despite many pundits and fans saying that the team would go 0-16, they went 9-7 and made the playoffs!
7. As a bonus, my mother was distraught over the fact that we had put off a trip to Italy for 4 years straight at that point and declared that, "life is short! So we have to splurge a bit, we're going to Italy this year!" I finally was able to see my homeland and discover my roots, as well as meet my dear family, whom I had only ever heard about for the first 22 years of my life.

Now, the sports stuff is out of my control and the Italy trip only happened due to my cancer, but my life was flipped upside down in 4-5 months, then flipped upside down again, 5-6 months after that; it was a crazy year, but it just goes to show that positivity, hard work and a willingness to be the best you can be, is sometimes all you need.

Life may be rough now, but things will be trending upward for you soon; never give up hope and keep fighting the good fight! As Eric Draven says,

"It can't rain all the time."
 
Last edited:

bcdcdude

Dude with tweed :)
Joined
Aug 20, 2018
Location
United Kingdom
Favourite title
Shenmue
Currently playing
Yakuza: Like A Dragon / Shenmue II
PSN
bcdcdude
Steam
bcdcdude
*crosses fingers for you*



It's too bad that it seems like there's one blow after another; all I can say is to keep fighting the best you can: eventually, there will be little lights at the end of the tunnel, as Valascaziel mentioned at the end of his post.

In 2010, when I was 21, I was over the moon with my life; I had just finished my second year of University, I was down to 192 pounds (the lightest I had been since I was 12/13), I was in great talks with a great chick I had met in one of my classes, Jose Bautista went on to have a storybook summer as he led the MLB in Home Runs and the Cincinnati Bengals were coming off their first division win (and playoff appearance), since 2005; everything was going swimmingly.

Then, within a span of 4 months:

1. I got kicked out of my program and my post-secondary education future was in doubt.
2. While I did gain a bit of weight (I was above 216 in 2013. Now I'm 245, working my way back down), that wasn't too big a deal
3. I contracted cancer; a stupid, yet potentially dangerous disease that affects people that were more than double my age and who had abused alcohol/cigarettes/smokables (the latter of which, I've never touched in my life {really, I have never physically touched a cigarette or anything else} and the former, I detest, having only drunk alcohol 2 days in my life).
4. As a result of the cancer, the chick started talking to me less and less, while starting up a conversation with her eventual husband.
5. Bautista had a phenomenal season, but the Jays missed the playoffs.
6. The Bengals were tied for 3rd-worst in the league with a 4-12 record and the team was easily the biggest disappointment in the entire league, that season.

1, 3 and 4 were especially devastating to me, as I was completely unaware that you are graded for participation for tutorials (I would have gotten grades up to 1 full letter higher, had I merely showed up), the healthy and clean young man that I was, got a fluke disease and my first shot at FINALLY starting a relationship with someone, went by the wayside. While the latter 2 were out of my control, since I do not come from a wealthy family, the tutorials I missed were spent working at my part-time job... over 40 hours a week, so that I could pay my way through University.

That year allowed for the biggest change in my life, both from an outlook point of view and lifestyle point of view (not that they were bad or negative in the first place, but I definitely changed as a human being); I learned to be much more appreciative of things and be more positive than I used to be (which, with how positive I always was lol, was hard to do!). Thus, I:

1. Worked my ass off to raise my marks that year (I was a double major, got kicked out of the one I went to Uni for and was in my second major for 2 years), even with cancer making me miss almost a month of classes.
2. Continued to eat well and my weight was still fairly well-maintained (I'm more than comfortable at around 211ish).
3. Kept a super-positive outlook, ate a ton of blueberries (which I hate) and asparagus (which I hate even more! lol), went to all my appointments, tests and abstained from anything that could make my cancer worse.
4. Put the girlfriend stuff aside and really wait for the right one to come along.
5. Looked forward to the Jays improving for 2011
6. Knew that since the Bengals had such a bad year, they would have high draft picks, which is a VERY good thing.

Fast forward another 4-5 months and things improved dramatically:

1. Riding the wave of hardwork, I continued to put in the same effort the next year, got my first A in University and got back into my program, for my 5th and final year (while I earned it through my hard work, I was lucky to have my courses/credits fall the way they did).
2. More of the same lol.
3. Cancer was removed (surgery) and I was deemed cancer free, just a month after said surgery (I was to lose a good portion of my tongue, but it grew back to about 91% or so).
4. Reconnected with my now wife (though we wouldn't start dating until over a year later), whom I had met a year and a half prior.
5. Enjoyed an even BETTER year by both Bautista and the Jays (he was robbed of MVP) and while they still didn't make the playoffs, things were trending up.
6. The Bengals DID have a stellar draft and despite many pundits and fans saying that the team would go 0-16, they went 9-7 and made the playoffs!
7. As a bonus, my mother was distraught over the fact that we had put off a trip to Italy for 4 years straight at that point and declared that, "life is short! So we have to splurge a bit, we're going to Italy this year!" I finally was able to see my homeland and discover my roots, as well as meet my dear family, whom I had only ever heard about for the first 22 years of my life.

Now, the sports stuff is out of my control and the Italy trip only happened due to my cancer, but my life was flipped upside down in 4-5 months, then flipped upside down again, 5-6 months after that; it was a crazy year, but it just goes to show that positivity, hard work and a willingness to be the best you can be, is sometimes all you need.

Life may be rough now, but things will be trending upward for you soon; never give up hope and keep fighting the good fight! As Eric Draven says,

"It can't rain all the time."

Thank you for sharing and for your kind words. I agree, I have a rather positive outlook on things for the most part, although it took a long time to get there. I was an angry and sad kid for the most part, although as I grew older, I found joy in many things - especially music, game and film which have allowed me to express myself in a way I often found difficult. I also realised that my sensitivity is a strength (at times) and that when I was comfortable, I was friendly and approachable to people. I think I suffer from imposter syndrome in that I reject or downplay things when complemented, but I also hate being criticised, so over the years life has been a learning process.

I guess I also feel guilt, because I don't feel like a "full adult". As a part of walking on eggshells, I try not to upset the rhythm at home, so I don't cook, clean etc (because I often do things wrong) and that kinda makes me feel like a fraud.

But I ramble; I just wanted to say I appreciate your outlook on things and I find a lot in common there. I'm always reminded of a Rush quote from their song "Prime Mover" whenever i'm scared or if something exciting is going to happen:

The point of a journey is not to arrive. Anything can happen.

I guess because we're in the thick of it, it's hard to see the light and i'm an impatient soul. When there's a problem, I want to fix it and get upset when I can't, but in time things will get better...

It has to <3
 
Joined
Jul 28, 2018
Location
London
@bcdcdude

I feel for you bro. Your story reminded me of my little brother and something else that brings me down. My little brother turns 30 next year. Every now and again, without fully opening up, he'll mention that being at home with mum is getting to him and how he's desperate to move out into his own place. There are some people who, on the face of it, you may think have no mental issues or concerns but certain things pop up and you get glimpses of their vulnerability and that's what I see in my brother at times.

I was seriously bullied in school to a point I isolated myself in college and university to avoid people and therefore avoid being bullied. I remember having my family members and a single friend as the only contacts in my phone. I would spend entire summer holidays cooped up in my room and loved bad weather as it was an excuse to why I wasn't out with friends. My experiences, insecurity and lack of self worth was only healed after years of being with my wife, many mistakes with my wife, until I matured to the point where I am at now which is still far from decent.

In short, I know how it feels to be low and lost and I fear that feeling for my little brother and other family members. All of my immediate family have some kind of issue and I feel obligated to help them through it.

My dad if a very prideful person and earned a lot of money during his working days. He however wasted a lot on a failed restaurant that put him into massive debt and threatened his house. Every time I would see him he would be drinking and smoking himself away. You could be talking about the weather and he'll somehow turn it into a rant about my mother and little brother. On top of his cancer diagnosis, he had to strike a deal with his daughter (half sister who I hardly know) and her husband in order to save his house. They essentially bought it for peanuts. He felt robbed and it was the worst I ever saw him. However, I managed to talk him through the deal they made and explain actually it wasn't that bad and I would have done similar. He brightened up almost immediately and every time I see him, cancer aside, he's in such a great mood.

I am now trying to help my little brother to get on the property ladder. I've got him both the jobs he's had, give him money advice etc. He's somewhat on track but him not listening to me at times is definitely holding him back. My mum also has another house situation but I've given up on trying to help her. She just seems lost in her own bubble and keeps kicking the can down the road. She'll complain about her stress, wanting to sell her house and move but literally does nothing to help her cause.

I do have an older brother also and we've fallen out big time over the years when we were living together over money. Now, we're on good terms but when we meet there always seem to be a bit of awkwardness as I'm the "better" example of the eldest child. If I could I'll also help him out and it does play on my mind near-constantly that he could also be suffering mentally and there's little I can do to help. Just like my mother however, a lot of his issues he simply brings upon himself.

So yeah, my biggest stress point is me stressing that I can't help other people and time is running out to do so. Just wish I could get a lucky break. Keep marking the lottery and often get emails that I won a prize only for it to be £5 or less.
 

bcdcdude

Dude with tweed :)
Joined
Aug 20, 2018
Location
United Kingdom
Favourite title
Shenmue
Currently playing
Yakuza: Like A Dragon / Shenmue II
PSN
bcdcdude
Steam
bcdcdude
Thank you for your response. I'm just responding now just to say i've read it and hope to respond soon. I'd hate to think you put yourself out there and you are ignored!
 

bcdcdude

Dude with tweed :)
Joined
Aug 20, 2018
Location
United Kingdom
Favourite title
Shenmue
Currently playing
Yakuza: Like A Dragon / Shenmue II
PSN
bcdcdude
Steam
bcdcdude
Sorry for the delay @Nathanial Essex . Reading your comments has been very relatable. My father is a prideful person and he means well, but he can get pretty angry sometimes. He works hard and tries his best to make money, but he has done some things such as buy hundreds of pounds of stock thinking he'll make a profit and then we've got a shedful of crap and stuff like that.

Mind you, he's very smart, because he bought a 2nd freezer a few months ago and has been slowly stockpiling stuff thinking that the virus would come back. At the time I thought he was over the top, but now I think it's smart (I should hasten to add he has bought things in dribs and drabs rather than panic buy). I am the most risk averse person I know, so I can't relate to his way of thinking, but I do admire him.

But back to the original point; it's a horrible feeling to want to help people who refuse said help or are selfish and upsetting others. I have to operate on an out-of-sight, out-of-mind mentality and I think with the virus and being stuck at home, such a method doesn't work.

I sadly didn't get to do my therapy session. 20 minutes before my meeting my brother missed his bus and wanted a lift to the station. I should've been able to do it and get back in time, but due to roadworks, I was 20 minutes late and I couldn't get the app to work. I was so angry and upset. When I opened up it was for therapy, he was so apologetic. As he suffers worse mental health, I was scared he would do something stupid, so I just said it was OK. It wasn't done out of spite or anything. We are still awkward about talking about these things, but I guess he can relate.

I try to help him with various things like giving him lifts, but i'll stop at giving him money as I don't know if he'll just spend it on cigarettes and alcohol. I've tried to get him to attempt to start learning to drive so that he has more freedom, but he's too anxious to do it. We live in a village in the countryside with only 3 buses a day, so I could never live like that.

Talking about this made me realise that outside of my immediate family, I've cut almost my entire extended family out of my life. In a way, that's quite sad, but I have friends who I consider more like family than those with blood ties. If I ever get married (and I hope I do when my girlfriend moves to England...which I still hope she does...), I can see a shitstorm of family members coming out of the woodwork demanding to know why they weren't invited. It's funny how my mind goes on such a weird tangent...

So today, I feel a little better I guess. I was planning a 40 mile bike ride with friends tomorrow, but somehow that's now turned into a jogging session...I have no stamina whatsoever, so a little apprehensive, but I know i'll feel better for doing it afterwards. I'll just pretend i'm Ryo and training or something haha.

Sorry i'm on a tangent; I tend to ramble in a stream of consciousness and normally my posts are more structured, but I figured this topic is a good place to get stuff off your chest. When I eventually do begin my new round of therapy, i'll be sure to mention this forum and how kind people are.
 

Hiki

その者、東の遠つ国より 海を渡りて現れり
Joined
Oct 27, 2019
Location
Brazil
Favourite title
Shenmue
Currently playing
Phantasy Star Online 2 (PC)
Well... is hard to describe my life right know and what i'm feeling. During these last years i learned a lot and evolved a lot as a human being, i overcame social phobia and many other things, this was really good and i'm really proud of myself, but now i feel like my depression has worsened.

There was a time in my life when I couldn't leave the house for anything, i was afraid of everything and everyone. I think 2017 was one of the worst years of my life, in 2017 i was in a battle against social phobia and depression, in 2016/2017 i had a relationship, this relatioship had good moments but many times it was a toxic relationship, i remember a lot of things she said that hurt me a lot. She wanted me to meet her father but i was afraid that he will think that i'm weird, than she said... "When I met you I thought you were weird, anyone would think that about you."

One thing that hurt me a lot was when she said this >>> "I think I'm with you because you love me more than I love you, I think I'm afraid of being alone." this hurt me a lot. She wasn't with me because she loved me, she was with me because she was afraid of being alone and things like that, it wasn't real love on her part and this broke my heart, even with the social phobia and depression i tried my best in this relationship, now is in the past and i hope one day i can find a nice person in my life.

November 22, 2017 was the day I lost my mother, my mother was the most important person for me, i feel this pain everyday. 2018 i went to Florida US to see my sister, me and my sister travel a lot and it was really fun, then i came back to Brazil and i had plastic surgery on my nose, i hated my nose so much, i liked the result.

in 2018 i saw psychologists and other professionals and then i finally learned that I am autistic. In the past it was known as Asperger's syndrome, it's a lighter level of autism, i already suspected so it was good to have a confirmation. Being autistic in this world is often complicated, i have suffered a lot of bullying, it is more difficult for me to try to have a life that most have and much more, but i also see the positive sides of being autistic, I am no longer ashamed of who I am, this is very good.

In 2019 i finished my online course of graphic design, and now i'm trying to work with design as a freelancer but so far I have had no customers, i even have a facebook page for my work, a few people liked the page but i had no customers, and with the pandemic right now is even harder. In september of 2019 my grandfather died, i had another loss and it was really hard for me.

In 2020 I'm spending most of my days at home, and i feel like my depression is really bad right now, i miss my mother, my grandfather, since my mother died i live now only with my father. I feel very alone living with him. I'm just living with him because i don't have money at the moment to get out of here.

My father and I don't get along very well, he often has no patience with me, he has shouted at me several times. I can't be myself with my father and he would never accept the real me, I don't want to go into details about it at the moment, I just know that it's sad.

My father is not a bad person but he is very different from me, I can’t handle stressed people well. I don't hate my father, i just can't live with him anymore, I need to move on with my life in another direction, but right now i have no money to do this.

Currently what is making me move forward is believing that one day I will make my dreams come true. I want to leave Brazil and live in another country, work and have opportunities. I really think i will have more opportunities and a better life in another country, i hope one day i can, I would love to live in some of these countries >>> Canada, Japan, South Korea, United States and other countries. Unfortunately money rules the world, i don't have the money for it now, if I had an opportunity now to work in another country I would definitely go.

Another dream I have is to have a companion by my side and live with this person, someone who will be with me because of true love, another dream I have is to have a place for me, a place for me to call home...

I don't know what else to say but I am happy that there is a thread like this here in the Dojo, many people have no one to talk to, it is very good to see that there is a place in the Dojo for that.

I prefer to stay here than on other social networks, here i really feel welcome, I feel good talking to people here.

Currently entering the Dojo is one of the things that is helping me, i hope i can make friends here, i hope to meet you all one day. 😊

To finish this all I can say is thank you very much. We are here because we love Shenmue very much and this connects us, i enter here everyday and this helps me, thanks for everything. 💜
 
Last edited:
Joined
Sep 9, 2020
Location
England
PSN
leedsutd97
I find it very admirable how people are brave enough to share their stories - even if the ShenmueDojo forum is such a great community. I sincerely hope things get better for everyone.

My own story: after years of unemployment, I finally ended up getting a job. Not a good one either, but it was okay for where I was at, at the time. I didn’t particularly get much enjoyment out of it, but there was some good days mixed with quite a few lows. Anyway, they ended up changing my role on the job after everything I’d done for them (overtime, etc.) to something I really didn’t like/wasn’t suited to. Despite expressing my concerns, it was ignored by management. Of course when the job went wrong due to my lack of training and experience, I was solely blamed for it and told that “it was the worse things had been” since the business started in 1996. Stuff like that makes you feel really bad - do people say this on purpose to make you feel worse?

The more my time went on in the role, the more I would come home angry and take it out on people that it had nothing to do with. I tried to give the role a chance but it wasn’t working at all. My mental health took a hit and my heart probably took a lot of strain too, because I was angry and stressed every day. I knew something had to give. Since they weren’t being reasonable, I knew I had to resign or things would get worse for me mentally. Resigning is another strain in itself in the uncertain world due to COVID-19, as you can imagine, so it wasn’t an easy decision. It was such a wrench, in fact. I was starting to get used to it and overcame a lot of challenging times and became used to the routine in general. Then, they go and ruin it all by doing what they did. I went from being content to having my world turned upside down in a matter of weeks. It was so emotional saying goodbye to all of those people I had started the job and built a rapport with. It felt like such a disappointment. So now I am here unemployed in this uncertain climate...

My other issue is with people. This is probably how a lot of people feel, but I find it hard to trust people now. Whether it be people at that job trying to get you into trouble (staff and non-staff) when they themselves are very likely established in life, whereas me, I was trying to make a living and was doing them no harm whatsoever. Or people that claim to be a friend, but only spend time with you if it suits them, or if they have something to gain from you. The sad thing is, these people can make me (or anyone who feels this way) distrust people with genuinely good intentions. You’ve been hurt that many times, that you think everyone is like it.

So, the future is very uncertain, not just for myself but the world. With all the restrictions and the way things are right now, I’m finding it hard to leave the house often, let alone turn everything around. Even the prospect of gaining employment again isn’t too appealing, because I think it’ll be back to the same old thing as before. Getting mistreated by people that don’t care about me or my well being, and also dealing with bad people. It seems like a vicious cycle, yet other people manage to get by. I’ve lost a hell of a lot of confidence and motivation in general. It feels like it’s gonna be a miracle to get it back, probably mainly due to my lack of faith. Perhaps some of it is my fault too, I won’t blame the former employers for all of my issues - even though they didn’t help my situation at all.

In the future, I’d like a nice and understanding partner with at least one thing in common. I’ve not given up on new friends but I’m certainly wary of people because of past friendships. Job wise, probably less said the better, I think that is a truly bleak front and we all need money to survive, so it’s a sad state of affairs and a constant worry.

Anyway, I’m sure people have it harder and I’m lucky to have a good family network around me otherwise I would be screwed. I’d have had to stay in that job which would have made me worse than I am now, and I’m in no good mental state by any means. Sadly having to stay in the job is reality for many, which is so sick. It’s life, I know, but it doesn’t make it right.

If you have read this far, thanks for taking the time out to read my feelings/story and again: I sincerely hope things get better for all of you.

I’ll end on a happy note and say I’m glad I found the Shenmue games. I listened to the Niawou hotel theme tonight () and it brought back memories of the flashbacks from the first game and I smiled with a few tears in my eyes. That emotional investment is amazing. I’m so glad these games have provided me with an escape from the real world. I’ll never forget it.
 
Joined
Aug 3, 2018
Update for my Dojo family:

The offer on the home my wife wanted was accepted! We've now submitted all dues at offer acceptance, plus submitted paperwork and paid for appraisal.

My wife is still terrified we will somehow lose this in the end, despite my assurances. We were pre-approved by the lender before we ever even selected the home we chose. If they were going to shut it down, it wouldn't have gotten this far I think.


But no silver lining comes without a price--the burden my mother has caused became too much for my wife to bear the other night. She made the mistake(a couple drinks in herself) of asking my wife "what did she ever do to her?"

Within 90 seconds, I had to send the children away and hold my wife back as everything came out in a verbally violent, scathing tirade. I have never seen my wife that angry and hope to never see it again. We very nearly left with nowhere to go.

My mother and her have since made amends after two days of horrible silence. It seems as painful as everything my wife said was, it struck a chord with my mother. Especially after Mom asked were these things true about herself and I confirmed it with proof.

She's making an attempt to change. Morally, I do not wish for her to be denied the right to see her grandchildren after we're gone, but she must change.
 

bcdcdude

Dude with tweed :)
Joined
Aug 20, 2018
Location
United Kingdom
Favourite title
Shenmue
Currently playing
Yakuza: Like A Dragon / Shenmue II
PSN
bcdcdude
Steam
bcdcdude
Thank you all for opening up.

When watching the Beastie Boys' final gig (on Youtube this weekend), I was taken back from a lyric that I always liked, but in recent times have taken on a new meaning. It's from their song "Pass The Mic"

"So this is what I've got to say to you all
Be true to yourself and you will never fall"

Talking about our difficulties is hard (and God knows I still struggle. I can't even talk to my nearest and dearest about it at times), but it is my hope that a little weight has been lifted in doing so.
 
Joined
Aug 3, 2018
Dojo family,

We received word today that our loan has been approved for the home my wife truly wanted(and myself, but her especially so).

Appraisal will be done on the property tomorrow and the report will come in by the end of the week. Fingers crossed it comes in exactly where we offered, or just slightly less(it's an estate, so I doubt negotiating price will be an issue).

Once it does and all is well, we can close this dark chapter in two to three weeks and begin our new life as homeowners.
 
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