Mental Health Dojo

Follow up on that friend situation. So I sent the husband of said friend a message saying I had blocked his wifes phone number as to avoid saying something stupid to her and that I needed space and blah blah...the usual deal. Hopefully one day this will mend but for now distance is probably best type thing.

I didn't get a message back from him for some time...until today. He finally replied with a "I wish you well in life and hopefully one day this can heal" type message (not gonna fully quote it but that was the gist of it)

Figured, okay...He's talking at least, maybe I'll ask him how his foot is.

So I messaged back with a simple "BTW, how's your foot? Hope it didn't need surgery?"

Radio silence. No reply...nothing.

I am now more confused than ever before as to what the fuck is going on here? This is the second time I've asked him directly about his foot mind you and he has not said squat about it...but his wife made a big deal over me not caring about them and their problems and how I was trying to drag them down?

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE? The paranoid suspicious part of me is thinking there was no foot injury given the convenient timing of the original message (one day removed from her birthday which I ignored because I thought she was annoyed at me at the time and was giving her space)...but then the other part of me thinks "No, she isn't the type who would do that...is she?"

But I sort of have reason to think this...I remember when she had her 4th kid and I hadn't seen them for a month, she messaged about how her husband was pissed off at me for not visiting. The day I did finally visit and apologized for not seeing them for so long...he just shrugged it off as if he really wasn't that pissed at all and was more like "shit happens, dude"...it seemed like she was more hurt by it than he was but was using him as a shield. It's why I wonder, did she make up his foot injury? It just seems weird he himself hasn't said squat about it whenever I directly ask him.

I don't know what the fuck these two are playing at anymore...but I guess I just have to go back to shrugging it off and not caring like I did for the last few weeks of silence from them. I refuse to apologize for something I don't feel I did wrong and I refuse to yell and scream at them in case they are playing some stupid mind game where they're looking for me to react.

Fucking weird.
 
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Yeah, wouldn't worry about it myself.

But I did think right away as well, reading what you wrote, that there wasn't a foot injury at all either lol. Plays into me hypothesising that she used you only as an outlet for hate or to feel good or whatever.

Shitty behaviour, I'm glad you'll be clearing the air and getting that monkey off your back!
 
Truck_1_0_1_ said:
Yeah, wouldn't worry about it myself.

But I did think right away as well, reading what you wrote, that there wasn't a foot injury at all either lol. Plays into me hypothesising that she used you only as an outlet for hate or to feel good or whatever.

Shitty behaviour, I'm glad you'll be clearing the air and getting that monkey off your back!
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You know what...I actually didn't care...life moved on for me. It was just weird to get that message today after radio silence on their end yet again.
 
Hey guys, I'm back and this time, I would like to give you a little update on my current situation. Last week, my programming instructor told me that he noticed a great amount of hidden talent in me and that he already spoke with a consultant at a programming and testing facility in a major town in my country. The thing is that he noticed just how "easy" it is for me to learn new things and how quickly I'm learning blind typing on my keyboard. However, just blind typing won't be enough, as I am still learning programming and my next term with him will be tomorrow. We will discuss about the future of my potential programming career and will expand our knowledge by introducing me to asset modelling and UE, as well as Unity and more.

I cannot tell you just how pleased I was with the news, and if everything goes smoothly, I'll end up with my dream job as a professional programmer in about a year and a half from now! Until then however, I'll be stuck with a menial job as a warehouse worker at a cosmetics packaging facility. But, since it's giving me Shenmue vibes with people working and operating forklifts there, it's better than nothing and at the very least I'm getting paid.

To everyone reading this: things will get better eventually, just make effort in making good and respectable things and you'll end up getting pleasantly rewarded by those you respect. Once again, thank you for your support and have a great day!
 
I've been going through a funk at the moment. I think i'm just exhausted with the constant negative news going on in the UK and the world at the moment. I'm just so tired of it all.

I'm also just so miserable at work. I am meeting the entire team for the first time in 18 months on Tuesday and i'm nervous as hell. I've seen almost everybody in the interim, but never all at once. When lockdown first happened, I barely did any work for a month due to major IT issues as well as a workspace that wasn't very suitable. I failed to get a promotion in the meantime and since then, I just stopped caring. I do the best I can, but today I just thought "I can't be bothered anymore". I no longer participate in team meetings and barely take any information in. I always felt like the odd one out of the team and this has only gotten worse since. I shared my aspergers diagnosis and got some kind feedback, but I also feel like i'm simply a bother to the team and feel like they could do better without me.

In one of my friend groups, one person is getting married, another got a promotion (and earns twice as much as me already) and a 3rd finished a masters and is running his own business in AI. I get diagonosed with bloody Aspergers instead. I should be happy for my friends, but i'm deeply upset that nothing I do seems to be going right. I also looked at my first house and found that to be a miserable experience. I'm also feeling anxious about my brother and his upcoming child. As I mentioned earlier, I cut the mother out of my life due to her toxic behaviour and it hurts that she somehow keeps coming back to my life. I bear no ill will towards the child and will try to be a good uncle, but as far as i'm concerned, she doesn't exist and she died a long time ago.

I'm off to London in a few minutes to watch a screening of a concert of one of my favourite bands (The The) with the band in attendance. I got front row seats. Tomorrow I go back to London again to see Pop Will Eat Itself (one of the first bands I ever got into), so I hope that will cheer me up.

I guess I just feel very lonely. I'm no closer to getting my own place and I feel i'm letting my girlfriend down. It's been 2 1/2 years since i've seen her and although we're keeping in contact and things are going as well as they can be, the black dog on my shoulder keeps telling me something bad will happen. I want to cry so bad, but I can't bring myself to do it.

Stream of conciousness ramblings again, but I felt it better to get it off my chest here than anywhere else.
 
Can I just say that Iā€™m actually really happy I decided to finally join this forum? Within this place, I found a community of really cool people and Iā€™m just really glad that I actually joined this place to meet you all :)

I noticed it today as I was geeking out with you all about the Anime trailerā€¦that I was actually happy and this place actually puts a smile on my face whenever I come here.

So Iā€™m really glad I joined this place :) Thatā€™s all
 
So one of the big changes in life Iā€™m trying to make is to find positive in the things I do instead of always focusing on the negative. This came about as an exercise to practice in therapy. My therapist calls it an exercise of Old vs New in terms of dealing with the harsh inner voice I let dominate me.

For instance:

Old me: I used to beat myself up and compare myself to others for having a shit job such as being a data entry clerk for 8 years. The old me looked at that as a lousy shit job. The old me looked at everyone else who had it better and thought they were looking down on me as being less than they were.

New me: Iā€™m working from home via a data entry job. Why is that a bad thing? Iā€™m a productive member of society. I have to make a living somehow. Who cares if it isnā€™t the most glorious job in the world? At least it pays the bills and earns money.

Old me: Iā€™m a fucking fan boy geek who needs to grow up and stop being passionate about all these childish things. The rest of the world is laughing at you for not growing up.

New me: Today I geeked out massively about the Shenmue anime with a bunch of like-minded Shenmue nerds and loved every minute of it. Who cares what anyone else thinks? Youā€™re having fun. Thatā€™s all that matters.

Old me: My friends are all getting married and having kids while Iā€™m the last single guy who still hasnā€™t figured out his life. Why would they even want to know me anymore? We have nothing in common and theyā€™re better off without me.

New me: your friends took a different path to you. Just because you still canā€™t figure out what it is you want doesnā€™t mean they stopped caring about you. And if you did grow apart then maybe that is fine too. But youā€™re not lesser than anyone for not following that same path they did. Youā€™re just still figuring it out.

Old me: You lost 5kg of water weight, fuck this is pointless!

New me: You lost 5kg of water weight! Go you! Keep it up. Any weight loss is good weight loss!

Thatā€™s the exercise and it has been working to some degreeā€¦I do feel notably happier trying to look through a positive glass
 
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danielmann861 said:
So one of the big changes in life Iā€™m trying to make is to find positive in the things I do instead of always focusing on the negative. This came about as an exercise to practice in therapy. My therapist calls it an exercise of Old vs New in terms of dealing with the harsh inner voice I let dominate me.

For instance:

Old me: I used to beat myself up and compare myself to others for having a shit job such as being a data entry clerk for 8 years. The old me looked at that as a lousy shit job. The old me looked at everyone else who had it better and thought they were looking down on me as being less than they were.

New me: Iā€™m working from home via a data entry job. Why is that a bad thing? Iā€™m a productive member of society. I have to make a living somehow. Who cares if it isnā€™t the most glorious job in the world? At least it pays the bills and earns money.

Old me: Iā€™m a fucking fan boy geek who needs to grow up and stop being passionate about all these childish things. The rest of the world is laughing at you for not growing up.

New me: Today I geeked out massively about the Shenmue anime with a bunch of like-minded Shenmue nerds and loved every minute of it. Who cares what anyone else thinks? Youā€™re having fun. Thatā€™s all that matters.

Old me: My friends are all getting married and having kids while Iā€™m the last single guy who still hasnā€™t figured out his life. Why would they even want to know me anymore? We have nothing in common and theyā€™re better off without me.

New me: your friends took a different path to you. Just because you still canā€™t figure out what it is you want doesnā€™t mean they stopped caring about you. And if you did grow apart then maybe that is fine too. But youā€™re not lesser than anyone for not following that same path they did. Youā€™re just still figuring it out.

Old me: You lost 5kg of water weight, fuck this is pointless!

New me: You lost 5kg of water weight! Go you! Keep it up. Any weight loss is good weight loss!

Thatā€™s the exercise and it has been working to some degreeā€¦I do feel notably happier trying to look through a positive glass
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Sounds like a useful exercise and I'm glad it's working for you.

I will say that the old/negative voice is echoing certain ideas and opinions that you've accepted as an objective truth when really they are a collection of outdated and pernicious cultural norms that people mistakenly use as a metric for success in life.

It may not feel like it but being forced to confront your mindset now could be the best thing that ever happened to you. You have the opportunity to ask yourself "what makes me happy?" and to work on building your life around that, I would argue it's an obligation almost but not to anyone else or their expectations of you but to yourself and yourself alone.

Hope this doesn't come across as preachy or condescending, it's something I spent a lot of time examining in my own life.
 
Bambi said:
Sounds like a useful exercise and I'm glad it's working for you.

I will say that the old/negative voice is echoing certain ideas and opinions that you've accepted as an objective truth when really they are a collection of outdated and pernicious cultural norms that people mistakenly use as a metric for success in life.

It may not feel like it but being forced to confront your mindset now could be the best thing that ever happened to you. You have the opportunity to ask yourself "what makes me happy?" and to work on building your life around that, I would argue it's an obligation almost but not to anyone else or their expectations of you but to yourself and yourself alone.

Hope this doesn't come across as preachy or condescending, it's something I spent a lot of time examining in my own life.
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No, donā€™t worry, itā€™s not preachy or condescending at all. Itā€™s actually one of the biggest issues Iā€™ve had since I was in my early 20ā€™s. The idea of chasing after something I feel is expected of me because itā€™s ā€œthe normal thing everyone doesā€ versus doing whatā€™s right for me and what makes sense in my heart.

Like I said above, my issues are very much ones of insecurity and that I look at everyone around me and what theyā€˜re doing and then feel inferior for not being on their level. Therefore I project my own feelings of self hate on everyone else.

Thats the vicious cycle Iā€™ve been stuck in for most of my adult life and that is the point of the exercise. To try and twist the perspective from the glass being half empty to half full. It does work for me lately and Iā€™m starting to accept that there is always room for improvement but donā€˜t feel bad about what you are now. Learn to accept and embrace it instead. Thatā€™s the only way Iā€™ll ever get a chance to heal otherwise Iā€™m gonna be stuck in the old vicious cycle tearing myself down and never giving myself a break from it.

or TLDR versionā€¦Iā€™ve never been comfortable in my own skin and never fully embraced myself. Instead Iā€™ve just torn myself down and lived in the shadow of others projecting that self hate
 
Really happy to see all of you support each other.

I love that we have a place where everyone can express their struggles openly, safely, and with constant support. We're all on this journey together.

Keep looking out for each other and let us know if there's anything we can do to make this part of the forum better
 
Seconded. I try not to offload too much, but sometimes it's just so good to get crap out of my system. I like to think that I'm a jovial member of the forums and that i'm always sincere, so am grateful that such a thread exists. If I ever see any of you in real life, i'll buy you a pint (and that says a lot as i'm a tightarse!) ā¤ļø
 
I was going to the gym but my routine changed as I now needed my break to pick up my son school. Haven't been for the past 3 weeks but my diet has also suffered. As I'm no longer speaking with my wife, I just a "fuck it" attitude and just been enjoying myself with food. Back to being at my heaviest and also feeling much worst, very similar to when I was diagnosed with Anemia.

I'll try post the full story tomorrow. Yesterday I approached my wife to let her know I wasn't happy in the relationship and wanted to split up if this is what it's gong to be like going forward. We haven't spoken in months and she avoids me like I've got the Plague or something. If we are simply passing each other in the corridor for example, instead of just walking past each other, she'll take a bit step to the side or ask me to move back before proceeding. If I accidentally brush against her or touch her, she's very quick to move away just to show she doesn't want me near her.
 
Iā€™m not sure quite what it is tonight but Iā€™m just feeling kinda down for whatever reasonā€¦maybe itā€™s just that my vacation is over and itā€™s back to the grind again lol. I donā€™t hate my job or anything but man it just takes up so much time for pretty much 4 straight days and itā€™s never enough sleep, really wish I could find one I like just as much with a better work/life balance but it is what it is.
 
BloodyHeartland said:
Iā€™m not sure quite what it is tonight but Iā€™m just feeling kinda down for whatever reasonā€¦maybe itā€™s just that my vacation is over and itā€™s back to the grind again lol. I donā€™t hate my job or anything but man it just takes up so much time for pretty much 4 straight days and itā€™s never enough sleep, really wish I could find one I like just as much with a better work/life balance but it is what it is.
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Yeah, that's pretty normal...Trust me, I would always get that empty feeling whenever I got back from vacationing in Japan and then being faced with going back to work. Post-vacation blues they call it.
 
My dad passed away todayā€¦
He had a heart attack about 3 weeks ago, my Mum gave him CPR before the ambulance got there and they reckon that saved his lifeā€¦he was then kept in hospital, but one in a town several miles away as he needed specialist treatment. He was stable and they assured my Mum he would recover and that it would just take time. He was starting to come round and gradually talk and move around again. There was some damage to his ribs but no brain damage or anything like that, so we all just assumed heā€™d eventually recover and come home again, it was just a matter of waiting. I didnā€™t get the chance to visit him due to the hospital being so far- I donā€™t drive, and neither does my Mum, so she only got to go there a handful of times by train or by getting a lift from family/friends. I live in another town with my partner, and thought it would be ok if I waited until this coming week as i had time off anyway, I just carried on with work and with life as normally as I could, convinced Iā€™d be able to visit him at some point.
Of course now I instantly regret acting this way after I found out he passed away in the early hours of the morning. It was completely unexpected and they apparently did all they could do revive him, but it was no good. My mum is absolutely crushed, having known him since she was 15. They were both in their 60ā€™s and supposed to enjoy retirement together. Itā€™s so fucking unfair.
I spent time with her and my brother today, and I feel so helpless and annoyed with myself I didnā€™t make more of an effort to vis it him while I still could. It doesnā€™t even feel real yet, it hasnā€™t sunk in. I also had to witness my brother telling his 6 year old daughter that her Grandad had just died, and it was truly heartbreaking.
I have no real idea how to act, what to say or how to grieve right now. I was not ready to lose my Dad, he was only 63ā€¦life is such a fucking shitshow sometimes
 
Miles Prower said:
My dad passed away todayā€¦
He had a heart attack about 3 weeks ago, my Mum gave him CPR before the ambulance got there and they reckon that saved his lifeā€¦he was then kept in hospital, but one in a town several miles away as he needed specialist treatment. He was stable and they assured my Mum he would recover and that it would just take time. He was starting to come round and gradually talk and move around again. There was some damage to his ribs but no brain damage or anything like that, so we all just assumed heā€™d eventually recover and come home again, it was just a matter of waiting. I didnā€™t get the chance to visit him due to the hospital being so far- I donā€™t drive, and neither does my Mum, so she only got to go there a handful of times by train or by getting a lift from family/friends. I live in another town with my partner, and thought it would be ok if I waited until this coming week as i had time off anyway, I just carried on with work and with life as normally as I could, convinced Iā€™d be able to visit him at some point.
Of course now I instantly regret acting this way after I found out he passed away in the early hours of the morning. It was completely unexpected and they apparently did all they could do revive him, but it was no good. My mum is absolutely crushed, having known him since she was 15. They were both in their 60ā€™s and supposed to enjoy retirement together. Itā€™s so fucking unfair.
I spent time with her and my brother today, and I feel so helpless and annoyed with myself I didnā€™t make more of an effort to vis it him while I still could. It doesnā€™t even feel real yet, it hasnā€™t sunk in. I also had to witness my brother telling his 6 year old daughter that her Grandad had just died, and it was truly heartbreaking.
I have no real idea how to act, what to say or how to grieve right now. I was not ready to lose my Dad, he was only 63ā€¦life is such a fucking shitshow sometimes
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Jesus dude, I'm so sorry to hear that. That's just awful. 63 is no age to go :crying:
 
Miles Prower said:
My dad passed away todayā€¦
He had a heart attack about 3 weeks ago, my Mum gave him CPR before the ambulance got there and they reckon that saved his lifeā€¦he was then kept in hospital, but one in a town several miles away as he needed specialist treatment. He was stable and they assured my Mum he would recover and that it would just take time. He was starting to come round and gradually talk and move around again. There was some damage to his ribs but no brain damage or anything like that, so we all just assumed heā€™d eventually recover and come home again, it was just a matter of waiting. I didnā€™t get the chance to visit him due to the hospital being so far- I donā€™t drive, and neither does my Mum, so she only got to go there a handful of times by train or by getting a lift from family/friends. I live in another town with my partner, and thought it would be ok if I waited until this coming week as i had time off anyway, I just carried on with work and with life as normally as I could, convinced Iā€™d be able to visit him at some point.
Of course now I instantly regret acting this way after I found out he passed away in the early hours of the morning. It was completely unexpected and they apparently did all they could do revive him, but it was no good. My mum is absolutely crushed, having known him since she was 15. They were both in their 60ā€™s and supposed to enjoy retirement together. Itā€™s so fucking unfair.
I spent time with her and my brother today, and I feel so helpless and annoyed with myself I didnā€™t make more of an effort to vis it him while I still could. It doesnā€™t even feel real yet, it hasnā€™t sunk in. I also had to witness my brother telling his 6 year old daughter that her Grandad had just died, and it was truly heartbreaking.
I have no real idea how to act, what to say or how to grieve right now. I was not ready to lose my Dad, he was only 63ā€¦life is such a fucking shitshow sometimes
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I'm sorry to hear about your loss. My heart goes out to you and your family.
 
My has had cancer for years. He keeps how serious it is away from me and never tells me when he ends up in hospital. I live an hour drive away so don't go to see him much but have made the effort recently. I tooled the grandchildren with me as he's only seen them a handful of times.

Today he gave some shock news that he's been told he has 3 months to live, maybe more. It was so weird because he said it in passing and looking relatively healthy. He's been a builder all his life and despite being in his 70s is still quite muscular but the cancer has taken its toll and it's mainly just in appearance.

I've never had someone close to me, friend or family pass away. It's just so bizarre.
 
Miles Prower said:
My dad passed away todayā€¦
He had a heart attack about 3 weeks ago, my Mum gave him CPR before the ambulance got there and they reckon that saved his lifeā€¦he was then kept in hospital, but one in a town several miles away as he needed specialist treatment. He was stable and they assured my Mum he would recover and that it would just take time. He was starting to come round and gradually talk and move around again. There was some damage to his ribs but no brain damage or anything like that, so we all just assumed heā€™d eventually recover and come home again, it was just a matter of waiting. I didnā€™t get the chance to visit him due to the hospital being so far- I donā€™t drive, and neither does my Mum, so she only got to go there a handful of times by train or by getting a lift from family/friends. I live in another town with my partner, and thought it would be ok if I waited until this coming week as i had time off anyway, I just carried on with work and with life as normally as I could, convinced Iā€™d be able to visit him at some point.
Of course now I instantly regret acting this way after I found out he passed away in the early hours of the morning. It was completely unexpected and they apparently did all they could do revive him, but it was no good. My mum is absolutely crushed, having known him since she was 15. They were both in their 60ā€™s and supposed to enjoy retirement together. Itā€™s so fucking unfair.
I spent time with her and my brother today, and I feel so helpless and annoyed with myself I didnā€™t make more of an effort to vis it him while I still could. It doesnā€™t even feel real yet, it hasnā€™t sunk in. I also had to witness my brother telling his 6 year old daughter that her Grandad had just died, and it was truly heartbreaking.
I have no real idea how to act, what to say or how to grieve right now. I was not ready to lose my Dad, he was only 63ā€¦life is such a fucking shitshow sometimes
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Awwww man, I'm sorry to hear. Condolences and thoughts are with you and your family.
 
My mental health took a right nosedive when I moved to Japan. God help those who have to suffer over there.
 
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