Hi all,
Apologies for the delay in responding. For the most part i've been OK, although there's been a couple of difficult days.
@SliverOfSand - It's comforting to know that i'm not alone in feeling like i'm young and old at the same time. I sometimes think to myself my 'childishness' for lack of a better word is endearing. It's being a mature person, but not losing that sense of 'fun' and 'joy' I find is key. I just want to say that I understand the overwhelming feeling that you get sometimes.
I also think it's absolutely fine to like childish things, because in a sense, there is a pure innocence that I think is needed more than ever these days. It's fine to be cautious and cynical, but if I ever have kids, i'd hate for them to grow up in a cynical world. I'd teach them that not everything is nice, but many things are and that you should cherish them while you can. I see so many unhappy and angry people and whilst I get those emotions from time to time, i'm grateful that they don't define me.
@Truck_1_0_1_ - Sadly, I haven't completed the questionnaire yet, but I keep thinking about it! I keep meaning to e-mail the doctors to ask for some clarity in a few things, but work keeps getting in the way. I have a day off and the house to myself tomorrow, so it might be a good opportunity to nip it in the bud. I agree that learning these things will help me, I just want to be in a position that when I hear things that upset me, that I am strong enough to endure it. I sometimes try to think about how others would do it; how would Ryo deal with it for example (maybe not the best example haha!)
@blixt - I class myself as a late developer and in arrested development; like a huge chunk of my life was wasted, but in the last few years, I had some kind of epiphany and want to make the most of every day of my life! I think asking for help is the first step and the will to continue. Sometimes the will isn't there, but other days it's so strong.
I completely agree re: keeping up with the Jones'; I admit that sometimes I feel like I ought to be like other people, but if I did that, I would be so unhappy. I'm comfortable with myself (for the most part) and luckily many other people accept me for who I am. I think i'm unreasonable in that I want everyone to like me, but have since decided that if someone doesn't like me, then I ignore them (as best I can).
Yes - there's a big difference between being alone and being lonely. I think I need my own space, but it's lovely to think that people are around if I need them. I am not good at sharing my time with other people unless we're on the same wavelength.
I must admit my diet is pretty poor. I wouldn't say I had an eating disorder, but I still struggle with vegetables and the like. However, when the will is there, I love walking and cycling and when I feel really inspired, i'll hit the gym. I haven't done it for a while, but when I get there - as long as I *start*, then the hard part is over. During lockdown, I used to do push ups for every album I listened to whilst working, but I haven't done that for a while. At the very least, i'll do a half hour walk every day whatever the weather.
So as for today, I have a small favour to ask. During my therapy session today, I was asked to create a survey for people to answer about things that I need help for (the questions are all mine and relate to things I need support for). My therapist has shared it among her group and when she asked if I could pass it on to anyone, I thought of you guys. It's a relatively short questionnaire and if you have a couple of minutes spare to answer it, it would help me so much in time for my next session in a week. Although I don't know any of you on a personal level, the fact that i'm able to open my heart to a group of like minded strangers if precious to me, so I thank you in advance :)
The link is here.
Finally, today I learned that we are going into tier 2 once we get out of lockdown in England. Whilst i'm sad it means pubs are still closed (goodbye Christmas Eve traditions), the fact that my local cinema is now open makes me so happy <3