Mental Health Dojo

Awesome stuff, BC! :D

Trust me, the home stuff will sort itself out in time, especially if you're willing to learn and go through things. The majority of people who own a home for the first time, take no pride or exert 0 effort in maintaining it: a home is A LOT of work and you need to be on top of things constantly.

But again, as you are willing and able to be on top of things, you'll pick up and learn as you go :)

Your animals are why my parents no longer want to have any animals: they love the companionship and even the work involved to see them happy and thrive, but it is just so depressing when they go, my parents don't want to face that anymore. That is a reality of pet ownership, sadly. Coco is 5, going on 6, so she has lived just under half of her expected life. I can't imagine things without her, when she does go :(

But enough of that depressing crap, congrats on the new home and hope things continue to trend up for you! :D
 
Thank you! Not gonna lie, I don't understand a lot of things (i'm naive that way), but i'll be putting post-it notes on everything and having friends and family show me how to do basic things. Must admit i'm lazy when it comes to cleaning, but as it's *my* house, i'll likely have more joy in it and if I make it as part of routine (e.g.: 11am on a Sunday), then it'll be OK!

I've done two trips so far and moved 80% of my DVD's, 70% of my records and all of my CD's, so off to a good start! Picking up furniture tomorrow and then got a week off to set things up the way I like it. I've been feeling a sense of numbness today, but I might just be a little worn out. I was at a concert last night and off to another one tomorrow, so trying to keep busy.

Thanks for your well wishes! :)
 
So I've made mention before that I've been working out with Torrie Wilson as my virtual coach over at Sage Spot, right?
Something wonderful happened yesterday. I've also made mention on here before that I had a massive crush on WWE Diva Stacy Keibler, right? For years, I've been running an Instagram fan page to her. I would sometimes consider it my "secret shame" for lack of confidence. I really don't tell that many people about it because quite frankly I'm kind of embarrassed/shy about the whole thing.

A grown man in his 30's still crushing over his high school celebrity crush who is now married, has kids and isn't even in the public spotlight anymore. Isn't that a little sad and pathetic when you're in your 30's? I've always had a complex about admitting it but I still run that page because it has a sizeable following (6K followers) and it's just a creative outlet at times that helps me relax and escape the pressures of life.

So Friday marked the birthday of Stacy and in honor I decided to make what I thought was a really nice tribute video to her career and life. I figured it wouldn't get noticed. But I made a post over on Sage Spot about how I think the work out mentality that I've adopted has seeped into other creative outlets as I was really pushing myself to make this video better with every edit.

This was the chain of responses I got from Torrie.

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So this already blew my mind as was. I know Stacy has no presence on Social anymore and just the thought of Torrie sending this video to her directly was mind blowing to me. Just the knowledge it was actually going to be seen by the one person who I did want to see it was so overwhelmingly emotional for me.

What was Stacy's response? I didn't get a direct response from Stacy (I didn't expect to hear from her direct.) But I did get this follow up from Torrie

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So as you can plainly see I was kind of overwhelmed emotionally speaking. Not only did she love the video in question but it got to her on an emotional level as well.

Yesterday was just a day of me walking around with the biggest smile on my face all day as I too was overcome with a strong sense of emotion. Like it was all worthwhile. The 3 weeks I spent making that video was all worthwhile. Stacy saw it. She loved it. And that was more than enough for me. But it's more than just that.

It was also the realization that if I had followed through last year then I wouldn't have been here to live this moment. And it kind of all just hit like a ton of emotional bricks. How far I've come in a year from where I was last year. It was just the greatest feeling.

As for the video itself? Well here it is if anyone should care to watch it.




I can't thank Torrie Wilson enough for this! She kind of made one of my dreams come true!

And Torrie's final response?

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(claps loudly)

So awesome, Dan! So, damn, friggin' awesome, I am over the moon for you and I am super-glad that you had this special moment/event/day occur; it's one thing for a random fan to do something, it's another when someone has shown devotion, care and effort and the person it's made for (a celebrity at that) thoroughly enjoys it.

As I've said many times ITT (and elsewhere), keep up the good fight; things will and DO improve and it can't rain all the time :)
 
(claps loudly)

So awesome, Dan! So, damn, friggin' awesome, I am over the moon for you and I am super-glad that you had this special moment/event/day occur; it's one thing for a random fan to do something, it's another when someone has shown devotion, care and effort and the person it's made for (a celebrity at that) thoroughly enjoys it.

As I've said many times ITT (and elsewhere), keep up the good fight; things will and DO improve and it can't rain all the time :)

Thank you, man! Trust me it put me in the best mood I've been in for a long time. It just made me feel like it was all worthwhile. That all that work was worth it. I mean I really was second guessing the video the entire way through. To a point where I thought it was too sappy and almost scrapped it all together when my self-doubt came in to play. Thank fuck I didn't listen to that voice and followed through. :sneaky:

Looking at it now that I'm removed from the editing process...all I can think is "man, you really did make something quite beautiful out of this. It's actually a really well done video for the most part."

There's a few things here and there I noticed could be tightened up but I'm always gonna notice those flaws. But for the most part, I should be proud of this one. I did good! I put good out there and it was received with warmth by the one person I always hoped would see it.

So yeah, I've been on Cloud 9 all weekend. :giggle:

It just motivated me even more to keep going and work harder. At everything....weight loss and creatively speaking.
 
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OMFG! I was content with a simple thank you and leave it at that but there’s more? :oops: I just literally got this comment before going to bed.

I don’t think I’ll share whatever she writes me publicly but holy shit! I didn’t expect anything more than a simple thank you via Torrie.

I’m literally weeping tears of joy now. Think Michael Huber levels of Shenmue 3 ecstatic over here. ☺️



yeap, that’s my reaction right now to this one follow up comment.
 
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Follow up on the Stacy Keibler news.

I got an email from Torrie Wilson today. Turns out Stacy did something a little more than just write a response. She actually filmed herself giving a response. Yeah, I have a video response on my SSD from Stacy herself :giggle:

I couldn't be happier with the way this all turned out. With respect to her wishes, I'm not allowed to share said video online...which to be fair, I would have never done anyways simply out of respect to her. That and I feel like it's something I've earned the right to see for myself.

But yeah, I know to some this may not mean much at all. I know my parents would just look at me and think "really?"

But we're all fans here and we all get it. The thrill of working so damn hard in the name of the things we love. And to eventually be acknowledged by the person you've been inspired by or have an affection for is a pretty awesome feeling.

I mean, fuck. We're Shenmue fans. We blow our load anytime Yu-san even acknowledges any of our efforts. :ROFLMAO:


So I know you guys will understand how much it means to me. Especially regarding her considering she is so removed from the public spotlight these days. It's a pretty awesome feeling to know that something I made touched her on an emotional level. Enough to the point where she felt the need to respond directly via video message.

It's the greatest feeling in the world and it made me feel great about myself today! Which is a welcome change from just hating my self.
 
Let this be a testament (and Torrie even said it above in your back and forth) to hard work, passion and a little bit of luck; even if things look bleak, the opportunity for redemption and good things to happen is ALWAYS attainable.

Yet again, bravo, Dan! :D
 
Let this be a testament (and Torrie even said it above in your back and forth) to hard work, passion and a little bit of luck; even if things look bleak, the opportunity for redemption and good things to happen is ALWAYS attainable.

Yet again, bravo, Dan! :D

Honestly, I think being a fan of this franchise taught me that alone. In spite of all the hate we get. In spite of all the years of Shenmue bashing. In spite of all the bullshit claims like "it's a forklift simulator for assholes!" In spite of the mixed reaction of Shenmue III. In spite of the unwavering doubts of Shenmue IV. In spite of the cancellation of the anime.

We're still here and we still haven't given up on Shenmue after all these years. We're still driving on sheer passion and love. I mean we're clearly not driving on profit :ROFLMAO:

We're here out of sheer passion and love. Same thing for me with that "stupid little fan page of mine." It's all out of sheer passion and love.

I think that alone kind of taught me something. To never give up that passion and drive for the things/people you love. Even when it looks the most doubtful. You never know when the tide will change and you never know when the world will give you something you never thought could or would happen.
 
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Big argument with the wife today. It came from me being in a bad mood and the negative feeling towards certain aspects of her lifestyle all came out.

Context, she gives over £300 a month to a church in America and £150 a month to her mum who lives with three of her grown children (adult in their late 30s/early 40s).

It's been something that I've not been a fan of at all. Mainly because there are many issues in the house that needs fixing and we have a special needs child who needs all the support he can get. I've been doing all this stuff out of my own pocket whilst she has been going into savings, and the children's savings, to pay for every day things (lunch, travel etc.) that she can't do because of the amount she gives away.

I got my son's school report today and it just put me in a bad mood. My son needs professional help and I can't do it financially by myself. I brought it up again about needing the money to pay for things and she's suggested the savings. I don't want to use the children's savings and I'm reluctant to use what's left of ours because.

1. It will not last long
2. We'll then have no savings

I let this out, called her church thing a cult and the money she gives away to her mum and this church wasteful. Part of me regrets it, definitely down to me being in a bad mood. Probably that's it for our marriage now.
 
Big argument with the wife today. It came from me being in a bad mood and the negative feeling towards certain aspects of her lifestyle all came out.

Context, she gives over £300 a month to a church in America and £150 a month to her mum who lives with three of her grown children (adult in their late 30s/early 40s).

It's been something that I've not been a fan of at all. Mainly because there are many issues in the house that needs fixing and we have a special needs child who needs all the support he can get. I've been doing all this stuff out of my own pocket whilst she has been going into savings, and the children's savings, to pay for every day things (lunch, travel etc.) that she can't do because of the amount she gives away.

I got my son's school report today and it just put me in a bad mood. My son needs professional help and I can't do it financially by myself. I brought it up again about needing the money to pay for things and she's suggested the savings. I don't want to use the children's savings and I'm reluctant to use what's left of ours because.

1. It will not last long
2. We'll then have no savings

I let this out, called her church thing a cult and the money she gives away to her mum and this church wasteful. Part of me regrets it, definitely down to me being in a bad mood. Probably that's it for our marriage now.
Buddy hang on there. PM if you like, ok? I'll just hear and promise, i dont judge.
Important: It's not necessary meaning your marriage ending, it can be talked.
 
Buddy hang on there. PM if you like, ok? I'll just hear and promise, i dont judge.
Important: It's not necessary meaning your marriage ending, it can be talked.
I mean practically over. She's not a big believer in divorce so we'll just quietly ignore each other like we've been doing for some time. I think it was last year we went more than 6 months without really speaking. I was tired of the on and off mood swings so didn't even ask what it was about. When she decided to reconcile, she said it was because I made a comment about her sister in law (who's like 15 years older than us and more of an aunt to her) being a "pretty woman" after she was saying how she wanted to have plastic surgery. I said this in front of everyone so it wasn't like I was flirting or anything.

Recently, we've been speaking but she's not given me any physical attention. Nothing. I got for a kiss I get the cheek, I hug and it's like hugging dead weight. Couple weeks ago she says she was doing this because of what I said about her sister in law la's year. So, for the second time she's got upset about this but just ignored me physically this time whilst putting up a front like everything was okay.
 
I mean practically over. She's not a big believer in divorce so we'll just quietly ignore each other like we've been doing for some time. I think it was last year we went more than 6 months without really speaking. I was tired of the on and off mood swings so didn't even ask what it was about. When she decided to reconcile, she said it was because I made a comment about her sister in law (who's like 15 years older than us and more of an aunt to her) being a "pretty woman" after she was saying how she wanted to have plastic surgery. I said this in front of everyone so it wasn't like I was flirting or anything.

Recently, we've been speaking but she's not given me any physical attention. Nothing. I got for a kiss I get the cheek, I hug and it's like hugging dead weight. Couple weeks ago she says she was doing this because of what I said about her sister in law la's year. So, for the second time she's got upset about this but just ignored me physically this time whilst putting up a front like everything was okay.
Not ignoring this post ok? But I rather feel more confy at PM. I believe in first not advicing just listening and secondly, if advice is asked, apply "above everything, don't hurt" law of laws.
This doesn't mean dont telling what doesn't want to be heard, for shorters "you're wrong about this", it means saying it with all the people involved feelings in consideration.
So allow me please to use this public post for a warning against easy gun advicers with "take (parents, friends, couple) out of your life" destructive stuff. Careful with those.
 
Big argument with the wife today. It came from me being in a bad mood and the negative feeling towards certain aspects of her lifestyle all came out.

Context, she gives over £300 a month to a church in America and £150 a month to her mum who lives with three of her grown children (adult in their late 30s/early 40s).

It's been something that I've not been a fan of at all. Mainly because there are many issues in the house that needs fixing and we have a special needs child who needs all the support he can get. I've been doing all this stuff out of my own pocket whilst she has been going into savings, and the children's savings, to pay for every day things (lunch, travel etc.) that she can't do because of the amount she gives away.

I got my son's school report today and it just put me in a bad mood. My son needs professional help and I can't do it financially by myself. I brought it up again about needing the money to pay for things and she's suggested the savings. I don't want to use the children's savings and I'm reluctant to use what's left of ours because.

1. It will not last long
2. We'll then have no savings

I let this out, called her church thing a cult and the money she gives away to her mum and this church wasteful. Part of me regrets it, definitely down to me being in a bad mood. Probably that's it for our marriage now.

It's a bum sitch, I feel you on that, but you are also 100% correct that it's a cult/bs.

300 pounds (a lot more in CAD lol) a month on being grifted? We would lose our house if my wife or I spent that, it's just madness that she even thinks about doing shit like that. A time for making a sacrifice is at hand, clearly...
 
Hi all,

So a few months ago, you may remember my dog Lucy died. Well a couple of days ago our cat Sam died at the age of 16. We have another dog who is 14 and i'm sure doesn't have long left. I'm so glad that the rest of my family were with Sam when he died (i've moved out a month ago). Sam-cat was a very independent and stubborn cat, but I dearly loved him. He would purr like a gentle engine when you stroked him. I feel so guilty when I would kick him out of my room (his fur made it difficult for me to sleep) and in recent times it made me feel awful, so I made sure to give him extra attention.

I couldn't believe how gaunt he became in recent weeks to the point I was scared to touch him. On Friday, I had this horrible feeling in my gut he didn't have long to go and so I whispered how much I love him and gave him a kiss. The photo below was one I took a couple of weeks ago before I left for Amsterdam for a few days. I've made sure not to capture him at his thinnest, but when I look into his eyes, I melt. I'm upset that i'm not grieving for him as much as I want to. I couldn't cry for Lucy-dog, I couldn't cry when I finally got my house and I can't currently cry for Sam-cat. It will come. I came close watching a few films, but i'm so desperate to have a cathartic cry for them.

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In other news, I feel like a dick, because I threw a strop when I realised my brother's girlfriend is staying over for Christmas. For context, my brother had a child in February (with a women I despise) and he has been in this new relationship for around 6 months. I find their relationship too intense and the thought of spending Christmas with them - the one time of the year I like being with my family - makes me feel sad as I am rather private. I have nothing against her personally, but my brother's previous toxic relationships (he was attracted to some awful women) has made me very defensive. I wouldn't mind so much if she came Boxing Day, but I feel a bit annoyed. I realise that i'm being unreasonable. She's probably lovely, but I really don't want to get involved with my brother's private life. I love him, but we're just too different. Maybe their relationship is a reminder that i'm still seperated from my girlfriend. I also hate drama and will go to extreme lengths to avoid it.

Speaking of that, I tried to look into flights into Japan to be reunited with her (May 2019 is when we were last together) and it's breaking my heart how expensive it is to get there. I can afford it, but i'm being so careful now i'm a homeowner and some of the money I have set aside is for when we eventually get married (as part of the visa*). I'm just so upset at all the hurdles seperating us. We *will* meet and if Christmas is too expensive, I pray that mid-late March or Golden Week will be better. Then we will begin the visa process and get married.

*I'm also sad that we are getting married, because we have to. I want to marry her as i love her so much, but not at the whim of the government if that makes sense? As i've spent my entire life thinking i'm not worthy of being married, it's still crazy to me. But we love each other and I remind myself how lucky I am. No matter how sad I get, I always think "she is only a day away from me". I am worried if things will be OK when we get back together, but she knows of my aspergers and we are both shy. I truly believe we'll be OK and that a lot of the pressure is in my head

Finally, I think things are going OK with the house. i'm lucky it's a new build and is energy efficient, but I think i'm being hardcore in that I walk through the house in the dark to not use lights to cut on bills, but will have the PS5 on for 5 hours a day. My mother visited yesterday and taught me how to iron (I am a man child). Once I am more comfortable cooking something that isn't "something and chips" i'll feel a bit better.
 
You're doing well, BC. Your (brief, because of Twitter) tribute on Twitter was a nice post, so I think you've shown great poise and strength.

And I get the feeling: you want to marry because of the love and, "when it's right," not because you're forced to, because of rules.

But this will be a good thing, trust me; if you've maintained a long-distance relationship throughout all of this, you will endure.

Keep moving forward! :D
 
Thank you sir :')

I had a chat with my girlfriend today and just seeing her smile despite only 2 hours sleep (she has sent her final draft to her new book to the publishers yesterday) has helped me so much. And thank you for your kind words; i've been keeping busy, but I think I felt relief that Sam-cat is no longer in pain.
 
It's a bum sitch, I feel you on that, but you are also 100% correct that it's a cult/bs.

300 pounds (a lot more in CAD lol) a month on being grifted? We would lose our house if my wife or I spent that, it's just madness that she even thinks about doing shit like that. A time for making a sacrifice is at hand, clearly...
Energy bills and food prices going through the roof as well. To give you an example of what we could achieve if she didn't do this; The past few weeks, I have been taking advantage of banking switching offers and surveys and overall got about £600 from it. With that money and what I have left of my salary, I managed to

  1. Get the leaking roof fixed (which has put damp in our bedroom, bathroom and storage cupboard, causing mould etc.)
  2. Buy a couple beds for the children (we've all been sharing our bed or I have been sleeping on the floor for the past few months as my son's bed broke)
  3. Buy an air purifier to help with my son's constant lung infections.

All of that stuff has been put off for years and months because I've been doing other things on thing at a time with my own money, all of which is for everyone or my children's benefits (replacing windows, speech therapy and more).

We're still not talking and I'm not even that fussed anymore.
 
Great stuff, getting that done; it's always great seeing people prioritize things that are important, so good on you!

Believe me, I know how far that cash can go, a story:

In July, my Credit Union (where I work) was taken over by a larger CU (which is a good thing), but they pay for 2 previous weeks of work (like how most companies operate), whereas my original CU paid for the prior week and the current week of payday. They also paid one week later than my CU. One final insult to injury is that I have an extra $330.00 CAD taken off for tax purposes per pay, thus over a 3 week span, I normally would've gotten 2 paycheques. Instead, I got $330.00 taken off of HALF a pay cheque (due to the pay range being different) and that ended up as less than half of a paycheque, for 3 full weeks. Since I didn't get a full paycheque until a further 2 weeks later, I essentially went 5 weeks with less than half of my usual pay, whereas I normally would've gotten 2-3 full paycheques. This was #1.

Unemployment Insurance (aka EI) claims in Canada last a year, then you must re-apply, if you qualify. My wife, being an ECE and supply teacher, does not get work in the summers, thus she goes on EI, due to the horrific experiences she has had at, "summer camp," with her current company. In 2021, she went on EI in July like she always does and went back to work in September. When she went on Maternity Leave in March of this year, all was good... until July. We were waiting and waiting and needing her pay to help pay bills, because we knew that I would have these issues. Once week 3 of July began, my wife called the government and they said to just, "wait, because if the day has gone by, it should still come." The second pay date of the month was to be July 26th and nothing came in again, so we 3-way called the government. THIS TIME, the agent told us that the EI claim for maternity, was, "part of the claim from last summer, which expired back in June." I would have been great if the 3 people we had spoken to in the prior months had told us this, but alas no one did. It wasn't until the second week of August, did my wife finally get her proper money, only now it was less than before, due to how the amount is calculated. This was #2.

The second Tuesday in July, our dog was due for a teeth cleaning, which we were quoted at $700.00-$800.00 CAD or so. Perfect, my wife put aside half of that in savings and the other half, she would pay with her VISA. Ater a couple of hours of our dog being at the vet, she gets a call, "well in cleaning all of the tarter off, her teeth were loose and flapping in the wind (in other words, the tarter was holding the teeth in place), so we pulled them. It's going to be a bit more money than what was quoted." You bet it was, ***3 TIMES THE AMOUNT***, ended up being around $2,300.00 CAD. This was #3.

Oh yeah and in August, we get a letter in the mail stating that in July, our property taxes had an additional addendum of $275.00 this year <_< (not that, "our taxes went up," they literally were just adding on an amount).

Thank God we had savings, but the entirety of the savings was gutted by mid-August and we have been struggling for air since then.

My CC that I use for family expenses and fuel ONLY, gets maxed-out every 10 days or so, my other CC (that is used for rainy days and balance transfers {I get a 0% interest offer, so it's basically an interest-free loan} for the other CC), has been maxed out with these Balance Transfers as needed (both have a combined balance of $4,000.00, so they aren't large cards at all) and I have a small LOC with my CU that always gets within $100.00 of the max. My wife's only credit is a CC that has a limit of $5,500.00. Up until this happened, the balance NEVER went above $2,100.00, ever. It is now at $4,400.00. She has a car loan that will be paid off in April if she doesn't put anything extra into it until then and the only other loan between the two of us, is our mortgage.


I've had to severely cutback on groceries, drive less (not that I drove a lot anyways), not go out, I cannot buy Christmas
gifts (even something small), I need winter shoes and I can't buy those. The last thing I purchased for myself was a replacement fishing lure on 07/31/22. Just an extra $200.00 A MONTH (not even a pay), would put us in significantly-better shape.

I will be getting a rather sizable tax return in March and all will be good at that point, but until then, it will be a struggle and we have to tread carefully; I get leery not having any buffer or savings, readily on-hand...
 
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