Handling depression/anxiety.

go to your local library and get a book on the subject. might sound strange but just reading a few pages and get some advice can help put your problems in perspective.

join a fitness club where you can interact with people whilst getting fit.

Avoid alcohol
 
Shenmue AM2 Podcast said:
I (Andrew) have been fortunate to have never personally dealt with depression on an individual level. I will share a story though. I worked for a large insurance company for 7.5 years. When I first started with the company, it was a great place to work. Nearly everyone that worked there shared that same sentiment. As time went on everything there degraded. A lot of the people who became members of the management team had this generic "do gooder" mindset. No one thought an individual basis and it made it very difficult on a day to day basis. I always prided my self on having a great work/life balance. Every day when I left the office, I left all of my "baggage" related to work there. It was awesome! When influences outside of my control began to impact me in the workplace, such as a shitty management team, the baggage began to tag along with me when I left the office, and it bothered me. This went on for about a year and a half. There were multiple nights where I lost sleep over it. I didn't enjoy feeling this way. My wife and I sat down and evaluated the situation. She knew I hated feeling that way too. We looked at all of the aspects of the situation and categorized them into two parts. What was in my control, and what was not in my control. Continuing to work there was in my control. I decided not to continue working there. I really thought it was going to be a difficult decision and in all actuality, it wasn't. I found a job with another company. When I gave my notice, it felt so great. I had an immediate sense of freedom.

To those who struggle with anxiety and or depression. Find what is within your control and make changes that have a positive impact.
Click to expand...
Yep, that's when you know its time to leave! I got so fed up of doing exactly that, taking it all home with me and losing sleep over it. I felt exactly the same handing my notice in, like a great weight had suddenly been lifted. Just finished Day 3 at the new job, and while I feel the manager isn't always explaining things clearly enough, no major stresses so far. Already feel a lot better coming home each night :)
 
I dont know how to deal with it, so I just use projection and unhealthy coping mechanisms and tempt fate as I pray for an early death.
 
Little but more time to respond, not the easiest from a cell phone.

I know the topic and discussion of mental illness is difficult because it is not seen necessarily the same as someone with cancer or diabetes, before I was aware of it, as a child trying to understand bipolar and my fathers behavior was hard to comprehend and I didn't understand why he couldn't just "snap out of it" because I figured he was being difficult. I remember witnessing the multiple personalities and he would respond he didn't remember. It was absolutely terrifying seeing a kind wonderful man change into something unpredictable and dangerous, I would have done anything in the world to help him.

I never had the OCD or anxiety issues until later in life. I can't even begin to describe the experience but it takes shape and form when you least expect it. If you consider our brain controls vital functions of our bodies, our personality, feelings, happiness, anger, love, imagine a damaged brain and how that can impact the proper functions. It is an embarrassing situation to handle because I think that there is such a negative stigma attached to it.

The first time I went on Zoloft, after maybe 2 weeks I experienced some of the side effects and changes in mood. If you think about some of the famous spree killers who had either gone off their meds or had reported aggressive behavior ( not endorsing this, just an example) there seems to be an unintended consequence with either the withdrawal or introduction of ssris. I can absolutely report that the ssris put me in a zombie like mode where things were either very slow or my response time was lacking, at times when I would attempt to speak I felt like a bumbling idiot that lacked comprehension. The thoughts of love, sadness, happiness or empathy are very suppressed and difficult to express on the medications and not in a good way.

In many situations, the medications give a bleak monotone view of things, while it does help control the issues of OCD, the side effects are definitely undesirable.

I feel comfortable discussing these issues with the Shenmue community as I have known many of you here on the forums for a long time. I am working hard to continue to be a positive influence on others that the world isn't an awful place and that we can enjoy life. I tend to enjoy listening to Shenmue music, I like to listen to orchestra and trance music. I have been trying to go out more with my boy and my wife, we generally enjoy going to the flea market here or to the farmers market, there is also a beautiful cold water spring that is crystal clear so having the nature around helps significantly. I have a trip coming up to visit Chicago again in October and my grandpa will get to meet his grandson for the first time up in Wisconsin. Sometime next year my wife and I want to do the Shenmue pilgrimage to Japan, Hong Kong and China.

Apologies if any of this post sounded like whining or anything like that, I should be very greatful for everything.

With the posts made, there is a lot of wonderful information and on my day off I want to read this in more detail.
 
Last edited:
pilman said:
Little but more time to respond, not the easiest from a cell phone.

I know the topic and discussion of mental illness is difficult because it is not seen necessarily the same as someone with cancer or diabetes, before I was aware of it, as a child trying to understand bipolar and my fathers behavior was hard to comprehend and I didn't understand why he couldn't just "snap out of it" because I figured he was being difficult. I remember witnessing the multiple personalities and he would respond he didn't remember. It was absolutely terrifying seeing a kind wonderful man change into something unpredictable and dangerous, I would have done anything in the world to help him.

I never had the OCD or anxiety issues until later in life. I can't even begin to describe the experience but it takes shape and form when you least expect it. If you consider our brain controls vital functions of our bodies, our personality, feelings, happiness, anger, love, imagine a damaged brain and how that can impact the proper functions. It is an embarrassing situation to handle because I think that there is such a negative stigma attached to it.

The first time I went on Zoloft, after maybe 2 weeks I experienced some of the side effects and changes in mood. If you think about some of the famous spree killers who had either gone off their meds or had reported aggressive behavior ( not endorsing this, just an example) there seems to be an unintended consequence with either the withdrawal or introduction of ssris. I can absolutely report that the ssris put me in a zombie like mode where things were either very slow or my response time was lacking, at times when I would attempt to speak I felt like a bumbling idiot that lacked comprehension. The thoughts of love, sadness, happiness or empathy are very suppressed and difficult to express on the medications and not in a good way.

In many situations, the medications give a bleak monotone view of things, while it does help control the issues of OCD, the side effects are definitely undesirable.

I feel comfortable discussing these issues with the Shenmue community as I have known many of you here on the forums for a long time. I am working hard to continue to be a positive influence on others that the world isn't an awful place and that we can enjoy life. I tend to enjoy listening to Shenmue music, I like to listen to orchestra and trance music. I have been trying to go out more with my boy and my wife, we generally enjoy going to the flea market here or to the farmers market, there is also a beautiful cold water spring that is crystal clear so having the nature around helps significantly. I have a trip coming up to visit Chicago again in October and my grandpa will get to meet his grandson for the first time up in Wisconsin. Sometime next year my wife and I want to do the Shenmue pilgrimage to Japan, Hong Kong and China.

Apologies if any of this post sounded like whining or anything like that, I should be very greatful for everything.

With the posts made, there is a lot of wonderful information and on my day off I want to read this in more detail.
Click to expand...
Shenmue music has definitely helped me, for sure. Hope you have a great time on your trip man, and hope you get to do the Shenmue pilgrimage - that's on my list too for sure, if I can convince my boyfriend :p
 
Miles Prower said:
Shenmue music has definitely helped me, for sure. Hope you have a great time on your trip man, and hope you get to do the Shenmue pilgrimage - that's on my list too for sure, if I can convince my boyfriend :p
Click to expand...

Thanks Miles :) .

Now that I have a little more time, and not typing off my cellphone, it should be a little bit easier to express.

I think that at some point in our lives we go through various periods of happiness, sadness, positives and negatives. Sometimes different things trigger it, I associate some of those things with age/maturity but to another extent, some of it is due to our perception, culture, our motivation and I find that speaking with various individuals over time that I have learned to an extent the differing personalities.

I think that sometimes during bouts of negative feelings, it is easier to assume the guilt or to be self destructive in a way to feel that it is a relief that we know the ultimate solution. With OCD behavior, a person with OCD may automatically assume they have done something wrong and feel that by confessing to that is part of the obsessive thought and the compulsion is to confess to have relief that they are being "justifiably" punished that they have now resolved this particular issue.

A lot of these bouts of depression focus on literally everything that is wrong rather than what is right, and once in that mindset, it's very hard, with OCD, it's somewhat like a chinese finger trick, the more you pull away or question, the more you are trapped, but if you literally accept that the thoughts are just that, thoughts and the consequences don't matter, your mind can become free.

I know this can be hard to describe but I like to think of it from say how my father was. My father was bipolar and I know that when he was in a manic depressive mood, it was literally impossible to talk him out of it, there was nothing you could say or do to change how he was in that moment and it created really terrifying situations to where I was convinced I wouldn't be alive today as a result.

I know that we have many individuals here that have gone through worse physical things, some who had almost lost their life or survived cancer and I applaud your strength that you are still here to share your story because you survived and it is now a part of your history.

The reason I brought up Anthony Bourdain and Robin Williams despite very different situations is that sometimes there are things that lead eventually to that mindset. I know that Robin Williams had Lewy Bodies dementia (sp?) and while I do have some knowledge about the topic, I cannot claim that I fully understand what that is like. About my closest experience with it was watching the show "BOSS" about the Chicago mayor slowly degrading in mental health. If the disease is anything like what was portrayed in the movie, which I imagine would probably be far worse, I could envision the frustration, sadness, and desperation of dealing with a degenerative illness that slowly causes you to lose touch with reality, unable to recall words, sentences or feeling failure at every moment, from that perspective and reading some of the stories from Robin Williams wife I can only imagine the suffering that he went through before his passing.

Anthony Bourdain, I can't really think of what was going through his mind at the time of his passing, I know there were definitely some indications that he was going through some issues. I know that when he passed, he was worth less in terms of money than what some had thought and that he had gone through a divorce. I imagine some of this may have affected his travel/work and of course divorce is never an easy process. Additionally , I know that Anthony Bourdain was a heavy drinker and sometimes drinking masks other particular issues. It's hard to say off camera what was going on.

I know the reason I brought up my dad is because if you looked at our family from the outside, you probably wouldn't have initially known his particular issues. My dad grew up in a very wealthy family, he grew up in Chicago and his father taught him all that mattered was money, well not those exact words but it was the concept of basically taking advantage of others and viewing other people as less to a point that my father lost all respect for his own dad when my grandpa and my dad were robbed on south side in the city and my father had a gun pointed at his face and told my grandpa if he didn't give any money that he would kill my father. My grandpa didn't care about my dads life and claimed he did not have any money when it was hidden behind the radio dash in the car. My father went through constant physical abuse and other things I don't think appropriate to mention, but it was my grandfathers way of controlling his kids and having complete domination and viewed as the superior figure, not just as a father figure but someone to be feared and it caused my father to fight with his brothers constantly.

I never knew any of this when I was growing up until my father was triggered by his mothers death and later his fathers, losing his career and ending up in prison I think he had realized that everything he had was gone and that it wasn't going to come back. I think this lead to a self destructive mode of feeling self pity and blaming himself for causing harm to others or feeling that he was a failure and could not do enough to provide like other fathers for their children. Observing this and seeing the various stages of his life and slow degradation, the only hope was the next treatment would be the final treatment and he would be normal again, but each stage was simply that self destructive pattern. I think what my father was looking for were things to temporarily give him relief and that he was looking for the only thing he thought could fix the problems and that was money. Filling life with temporary things brings nothing but temporary satisfaction and unless you feel happy with yourself, happy with your surroundings and others, it will bring nothing but dissatisfaction.


I can definitely emulate some of these feelings because I know during the 2009 housing crisis, just witnessing the loss of the physical things, the destructive relationship with my own family and feeling like things were out of control lead to a very negative life at that time. I witnessed a situation of becoming stranded up north with people I really didn't know well, and just a situation where I actually ended up to a point I went into a subway and was short by a quarter and the guy tossed the sandwich in the garbage. I was eating off the dollar menu and couldn't afford heat in the winter so it was freezing. I had a futon bed with no furniture and I had friends who were able to get me out of that situation back to Florida. Rebuilding my life was not easy because I still had a lot of resentment, but slowly it came, it took becoming stable and just talking to people letting a lot of the issues out and making real friends. I used to go to the beach at night and i'd chat with my closest friend from Mexico and we'd just talk about life in general. Over time, started to join community based things, even though I'm not religious, it helped to just have some sort of community though I didn't remain. After all of that, I was able to secure a nice job and as I became more comfortable, I started dating again and met my wife. Just the adventure of traveling down to Colombia and meeting this wonderful woman was a miracle because her life was in much worse shape than mine, and being able to see how things were there and the struggles, things I took for granted really helped me to appreciate so much more and to see what real love from another person was like.

My OCD condition kind of set me back temporarily and it was like looking at everything from a broken mirror, the fear of possibly having everyone hate me or lose respect for me, I was really surprised how supportive friends were during those difficult times. I still wonder how I ever ended up getting to that point. Anything and everything is possible with that condition, things you would never think yourself capable of, things in your mind that you know are completely against any of your beliefs, just the constant thoughts of "could this have happened?" "I must have done something wrong or else why would I think this?". Think of every situation that something could go wrong, and then that is in your mind that you are the one doing that and it's a terrible feeling as if the brain has no filter. There is no person in this world as patient as my wife who has been there for me every step of the way and her wonderful family, they have been the best therapists that I could have ever asked for.

So I guess as long as this post is, it takes trust, healing, finding things you can talk about and keeping your mind focused. A sick mind leads to a sick body, and I think that's what I'm trying to portray is we all need our time to be able to talk about these things and just get stuff off our chest, because over time no matter how old you are, how much you try to suppress it, it does eventually catch up. I think all the years of stress, worrying, it's like the brain is just vomiting out all this stuff that's been held inside for so long.
 
Last edited:
I'm not someone with depression but I have inner anxiety I've always had throughout my life. The older I get the less I worry about things I can't control.
 
So I'll be honest guys, I'm going through a bit of a rough patch this week. Partly because of my manager's attitude making me question my self-worth at my new job (I think I need to sit down and calmly explain that I can't be expected to know everything, that I'm going to ask questions, because I'm y'know, new). But reading through some of the advice in this thread again is helping. Thank you (y)
 
Mittens2317 said:
I had it pretty bad a few years back. Went out on a works do, had a top time, watched City beat Newcastle the day after and then on the Monday... I just couldn't bring myself to move.

The complete disappearance of any form of motivation was frightening, even worse though was the anxiety. That feeling when every fibre in your body is squirming because you're around people... it's fucking insanity! I've felt embarrassed before, but to essentially be allergic to socialising was summat else entirely.

Anyway I went on the pills but they just made me feel sick. It's the counselling that helped.

Never wanna go through that again though. Ever.
Click to expand...

I still use what I learnt from my therapy (being present, mindful, and reminding myself of my limited control over many situations). Zoloft worked for me after 6-8 weeks too, but it gave me my first and last heart burn years ago, so I went off it.
 
Sometimes I do think I have OCD, but I don't want to be one of those people who just casually says they have it. It does affect my life and my time management, but for whatever reason, I'm resistant to go to the doctor about it. I'm assuming they'd recommend a specialist?
 
The best thing I did was stopping booze and exercise.
I was also with SSRIs (mostly because they just give them out like candy).
 
I've suffered with it and still do. In fact ive just beaten a life changing illness that will probably return, so i know what yure going through, as the anxiety of that is very hard to deal with.

Personally, cannabis is my solution. But the problem with self medication is you have to not over do it. If i prpoperly dose myself as best as i can with street weed , not knowing the potency etc, then im generally ok. If i smoke too much it can swing it the other way though.

The main advantage for me is it enables me to enjoy thing i couldnt without it while depressed. Such as gaming.

Hell, even the type of games i play can help my mood. If i play competitive online fps games, i end up angry LOL. Not because i suck, but i overly punish myself for little mistakes , or the connection or whatever.

But yeah, its a bit of a dangerous game to play medicating with weed for anxiety, the balance has to be right.

In countries where it legal , potency and dosing can be much better controlled and this i feel is the ideal way.

Other than that though, try to get a whiteboard or something and put it on your wall, and write on it big messages to yourself.
Things like REMEMBER TO EAT!. or TRY AND EXERCISE, or things like 'There is always someone else worse off, no matter how bad you feel'. Thats helped keep me motivated to do th basics anyway.

Also, try and confide in at least one person over facebook or something, its alot easier to talk about this stuff not face to face, and its good to have at least one person you can emotionally lean on, even if it is just through text.

I hope some of that helps you in some way.
 
Duchess May said:
I still use what I learnt from my therapy (being present, mindful, and reminding myself of my limited control over many situations). Zoloft worked for me after 6-8 weeks too, but it gave me my first and last heart burn years ago, so I went off it.
Click to expand...

I have no idea what zoloft is tbh, but at least zebra and Zelda won't feel as lonely in my vocabulary bank.

Funnily enough my counsellor's advice was to stop tryna go out of my way for people, and just embrace being a nob ed instead of being overly mindful of consequences.

Basically... being an adult isn't about being who you're expected to be, but who and what you are. Tone down the cuntishness when you can though.

Might sound strange, but it's so fucking liberating not having to hide that you mainly care about feelings to fuel your ego rather than out of love for your fellow human being.
 
Mittens2317 said:
I have no idea what zoloft is tbh, but at least zebra and Zelda won't feel as lonely in my vocabulary bank.

Funnily enough my counsellor's advice was to stop tryna go out of my way for people, and just embrace being a nob ed instead of being overly mindful of consequences.

Basically... being an adult isn't about being who you're expected to be, but who and what you are. Tone down the cuntishness when you can though.

Might sound strange, but it's so fucking liberating not having to hide that you mainly care about feelings to fuel your ego rather than out of love for your fellow human being.
Click to expand...
Hah it's true. Idgaf about random people.

Zoloft is a brand name here for sertraline, an SSRI. I couldn't remember the proper name at the time.
 
In a way it is good reading all these stories, especially as most of us are of a roughly similar age. I can't remember the last time I was happy. Pretty much every school I went to in my younger days I was bullied. This led to me pretty much ignoring as many people as I can when I went to college out of fear of being picked on. Up until only a few years ago I was extremely lonely, literally having no friends to do anything with. My phone consisted of family members and the only time I would go out to the cinema or such was when it was a family event. I remember only having to charge my phone once a week because that was how little I used it.

Meeting my wife/best friend was a big help and I made a few good close friends at a job I had a couple years ago.

Currently I am doing okay but still in a situation where I could not give a damn if I was to die and still do the odd stupid thing to tempt fate; like take multiple medicines with alcohol or certain drugs here and there.

My biggest problem at the moment is I physically feel like shit and I am mentally exhausted. For god knows how long, my body just feels heavy and in a constant state of tiredness. I am currently going through a faze where I am getting very little sleep in the night, probably micro sleeping here and there, but essentially being up most of the night then waking up at 5am if I do fall asleep.

I have been to the doctors multiple times trying to find out what the issue is but nothing helps. I also always have a constant physical problem that seems to come out of no where and then ends up sticking with me until I just have to get used to it; at least one nostril is constantly blocked, right nostril started bleeding randomly every now and again one day, dry mouth feeling, trembling muscles, itches, aches and pains in certain areas and so on.

Wish you guys all the best. I am insured up to my neck so if something was to happen to me both my wife and child will be good. I just want to see Shenmue III through. Said I know,
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top