- Joined
- Jan 11, 2020
I hope you a great day.Thank you both so much. It warms my heart to know there is goodness in the world.
I've still been struggling truth be told; I learned my father has been struggling financially and has cashed in his pension before retirement. I'm due to look at my house in a couple of weeks and know that i'm going to be struggling to keep my head above water as it is without the worry my family can't support themselves. But I sent a desperate plea out to my best friends for a pint this evening (even if it means me driving) and for a few hours i've been able to forget my problems and get into real discussions such as whether R.E.M's 1996 album "New Adventures In Hi-Fi" is underrated or not (it is).
I'm not terribly religious, but I grew up in a half religious/half athiest family, and I do find power in faith. Every Christmas Eve after I drop my friends home after our traditional Xmas Eve pint, I drive to the church in my old village. It's all lit up and midnight mass is happening. I don't go in, but at 10 to midnight I stand outside the church and count my blessings and pray for happiness for my loved ones. I try to keep the faith, even if it wavers, but I find more good in people than bad.
I talked to my girlfriend yesterday and I said I was ashamed I was on the verge of tears all the time recently. She smiled and said "you're just a delicate person". She makes fun of me a lot, but always in a playful, gentle way, but that warmed my heart. I've never had a proper relationship before her, so I work really hard to keep things going. I think she appreciates it as she said how kind I am (even when I think i'm not) and that keeps me going.
I am keeping busy this weekend meeting friends, so I hope to forget about my problems for a little while. I'm sure come Monday it'll return, but I have to keep faith my father will get better and their financial woes will sort itself out. I will of course help, but the timing with purchasing a house is really bad. My mother says not to worry, but I am a natural worrywort. If I can't fix a problem, I panic. I just wish I wasn't always so delicate and that I could think pragmatically.
Once again, thank you for your kind words. It means so much to me <3
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