Mental Health Dojo

I feel my mental health is deteriorating. There are so many reasons why and I could really rant and unload so much. I just feel kind of drained and my anxiety is constantly going into overload. It doesn't help that it feels like the whole country is falling apart. Everything is so depressing. The cost of living crisis is making life to much harder, with my wages just getting sucked away each month on food, bills, fuel and so on. It doesn't help that my wife is on maternity leave too, so gets statutory pay. On top of that, there's just constant strikes everywhere. Post at the moment is a fucking joke. I am not saying it's healthy, but when I am down I end up ordering things to cheer myself up, whether it's new games for my collection or whatever. But waiting just makes my anxiety worst. I swear a few items are probably lost in the post forever now and these are rare, expensive retro items (one is Pulseman for the Mega Drive, to give you an idea of just how rare/expensive we are talking).

All the stuff about Strep A and kids dying is scaring me. It's like Covid all over again, except it targets kids, mostly those younger than 10. I just don't understand why there is so much misery in the world at the moment. Both my kids are below 10 and I just hope it doesn't become this big thing like Covid. I couldn't bare anything to happen to my kids. I had to take my son to A&E in the middle of the night earlier this year and although he was fine, it was a scary experience.

My wife and I had a baby earlier this year too. We have two children now. The gap between them is quite large and I just feel I underestimated how hard two children will be. I feel like our whole life is spent juggling priorities and trying to look after these children. I love them so much, but it is so much hard work. My son has been presenting himself with signs of autism since he started to really go through those large developments when they are 2 and 3 and start talking and interacting more. Unfortunately Covid hit when he was 3, so we initially put down his poor social skills and other personality traits down to lockdowns and limited interaction with other children his age, however there have been more and more signs as he has got older that he is probably on the autistic spectrum and has special educational needs. We had a meeting with the schools SENCO the other day and they have observed the same issues we have, and will be working with him closely, to both help with his social skills and also observe him and compile evidence should we need to go down the formal assessment and diagnosis route.

The whole thing just gives me anxiety, because I worry about how many issues he might have in life. I don't want him to he bullied or for other kids to be mean or exclude him, because he's "the weird kid". I also worry about how we will cope as parents. There's a lot of concerns for me. Maybe he will be ok, he is quite high functioning, but it's just hard to know when he is still quite young.

Meanwhile, work is just exhausting. I am constantly overloaded and it feels like I am swimming against the tide. They have made so many changes recently too, I have moved teams (still do the same job though), have a new manager and we're in the process of making big changes in the way we work.

Then there's the fact we're all just constantly sick. We have all had colds on and off for nearly two months now and it feels like as soon as one of us gets better, the someone else comes down with something else.

I'll end it there, I could write forever about why I am feeling down, but already I am just losing energy and feel tired. I just don't have any enthusiasm or passion for anything right now. I don't do anything for enjoyment. I get so little free time and when I do, I just don't feel like doing anything. My wife and I spend so little time together too. It feels like we are just two seperate people living together at the moment and it's not because we of our relationship issues, but she just finds herself having to deal with our baby daughter so much, whereas I have to deal with my son who can be quite full on, so we naturally get pulled in two different directions.
 
@Reprise For the moment I wont extend. You had to take that out, but imo reading different perspectives will do you no good atm.
Rest whats left of the day. You have right to lean back a moment and say "fuck this is hard" and yet you weren't less strong or such.
Please allow me to close with a line, common place or whatever its called in english but not harm in saying: everything will be alright.
Your kid is lucky too have such a caring dad like you. I hope that writing down your situation had made some help.
 
Reprise said:
I feel my mental health is deteriorating. There are so many reasons why and I could really rant and unload so much. I just feel kind of drained and my anxiety is constantly going into overload. It doesn't help that it feels like the whole country is falling apart. Everything is so depressing. The cost of living crisis is making life to much harder, with my wages just getting sucked away each month on food, bills, fuel and so on. It doesn't help that my wife is on maternity leave too, so gets statutory pay. On top of that, there's just constant strikes everywhere. Post at the moment is a fucking joke. I am not saying it's healthy, but when I am down I end up ordering things to cheer myself up, whether it's new games for my collection or whatever. But waiting just makes my anxiety worst. I swear a few items are probably lost in the post forever now and these are rare, expensive retro items (one is Pulseman for the Mega Drive, to give you an idea of just how rare/expensive we are talking).

All the stuff about Strep A and kids dying is scaring me. It's like Covid all over again, except it targets kids, mostly those younger than 10. I just don't understand why there is so much misery in the world at the moment. Both my kids are below 10 and I just hope it doesn't become this big thing like Covid. I couldn't bare anything to happen to my kids. I had to take my son to A&E in the middle of the night earlier this year and although he was fine, it was a scary experience.

My wife and I had a baby earlier this year too. We have two children now. The gap between them is quite large and I just feel I underestimated how hard two children will be. I feel like our whole life is spent juggling priorities and trying to look after these children. I love them so much, but it is so much hard work. My son has been presenting himself with signs of autism since he started to really go through those large developments when they are 2 and 3 and start talking and interacting more. Unfortunately Covid hit when he was 3, so we initially put down his poor social skills and other personality traits down to lockdowns and limited interaction with other children his age, however there have been more and more signs as he has got older that he is probably on the autistic spectrum and has special educational needs. We had a meeting with the schools SENCO the other day and they have observed the same issues we have, and will be working with him closely, to both help with his social skills and also observe him and compile evidence should we need to go down the formal assessment and diagnosis route.

The whole thing just gives me anxiety, because I worry about how many issues he might have in life. I don't want him to he bullied or for other kids to be mean or exclude him, because he's "the weird kid". I also worry about how we will cope as parents. There's a lot of concerns for me. Maybe he will be ok, he is quite high functioning, but it's just hard to know when he is still quite young.

Meanwhile, work is just exhausting. I am constantly overloaded and it feels like I am swimming against the tide. They have made so many changes recently too, I have moved teams (still do the same job though), have a new manager and we're in the process of making big changes in the way we work.

Then there's the fact we're all just constantly sick. We have all had colds on and off for nearly two months now and it feels like as soon as one of us gets better, the someone else comes down with something else.

I'll end it there, I could write forever about why I am feeling down, but already I am just losing energy and feel tired. I just don't have any enthusiasm or passion for anything right now. I don't do anything for enjoyment. I get so little free time and when I do, I just don't feel like doing anything. My wife and I spend so little time together too. It feels like we are just two seperate people living together at the moment and it's not because we of our relationship issues, but she just finds herself having to deal with our baby daughter so much, whereas I have to deal with my son who can be quite full on, so we naturally get pulled in two different directions.
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Many similarities that are going on with my life (and have for the past 6 months or so), so I feel you on a lot of things... save for the money issue: I feel the pressure too, but you at least have money to spend: I've been in dire straits since August (see my above post) so I can't medicate with shopping! lol

All I can say to do, is to do what I'm doing: stick it out. Put your best foot forward, go through everything that is thrown your way and make the best of every sitch, while learning everything you can along the way, which will improve you as a person.

That's how I've lived my life through the good times and the bad and it always rings true: if there is a ton of negativity, be the positive voice and if it doesn't work, remove yourself from the negativity. keeping the faith and keeping vigilant is really the best thing and yes, while it is exhausting, there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.

I haven't had much time for enjoyment either, especially with fishing season shut down for a few more months until the lakes freeze over (you can go, but it's not worth it as the fish are beginning to get into Winter mode {ie: they are lethargic and not hungry} and the weather is not ideal. At least on the ice, you're in a hut or shelter of some sort) and I can't spend a ton of time on videogames as I too have to look after my son, to give my wife a break each night (which I love and enjoy, it just detracts from my hobbies).

You'll come out on top, Reprise, just gotta wait it out ;)
 
thelongtake861.blogspot.com

[Feature] The Whale (2022) - Or a reflection on my own journey from the Brink of Death

What does it mean to be human? That's a loaded question for which there are numerous answers. For myself, the answer has always been the a...
thelongtake861.blogspot.com thelongtake861.blogspot.com

Something personal I wrote over at my blog. I had a chance to see Darren Aronofsky's The Whale recently and I had some thoughts. It's been weighing on my mind ever since I saw it.
 
Well, this Christmas is off to a dour start.

Dad's in hospital. Tomorrow morning he is scheduled to have his little toe amputated thanks to a Diabetic Ulcer. An ulcer opened up on his toe, got infected and now the infection is too far gone for the toe to be saved.

It's kind of rough for me. I'm starting to realize my parents are in their 60's and they're slowly starting to break down. I'm nearing 40 myself (3 years away from it.) I'm starting to realize the guy I thought was indestructible and would always be here just may not be here for too much longer (knock wood on that not happening.)

I'm sure he'll be okay after this. I hope he will be, but yeah, it's the first time I've started to realize that my parents are in their twilight years and it's kind of a frightening sobering reality check.

I guess Christmas this year will be partially spent in a hospital ward since I doubt he will be released before then. Although, maybe they'll have him out by Christmas Eve. Depends on recovery time.

Still, just a scary sobering thought to come to terms with.
 
danielmann861 said:
Well, this Christmas is off to a dour start.

Dad's in hospital. Tomorrow morning he is scheduled to have his little toe amputated thanks to a Diabetic Ulcer. An ulcer opened up on his toe, got infected and now the infection is too far gone for the toe to be saved.

It's kind of rough for me. I'm starting to realize my parents are in their 60's and they're slowly starting to break down. I'm nearing 40 myself (3 years away from it.) I'm starting to realize the guy I thought was indestructible and would always be here just may not be here for too much longer (knock wood on that not happening.)

I'm sure he'll be okay after this. I hope he will be, but yeah, it's the first time I've started to realize that my parents are in their twilight years and it's kind of a frightening sobering reality check.

I guess Christmas this year will be partially spent in a hospital ward since I doubt he will be released before then. Although, maybe they'll have him out by Christmas Eve. Depends on recovery time.

Still, just a scary sobering thought to come to terms with.
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Same feelings for me, but this started back in 2019.

My wife and I purchased our home (NOT our forever home, though I'm afraid we may be stuck here a bit longer than first projected) in 2019 and while the bones and structure of the house were in tip-top shape, the cosmetics (wall colours, dirtiness, etc.) were deplorable and as my dad loves painting houses, he decided to paint almost our entire house lol (we did the basement, my wife and I, but aside from priming a couple of rooms, he painted the whole thing).

He continually said that while painting, he just didn't have the strength anymore and felt tired... so, so tired. His Blood Sugar was ok, so he knew it wasn't his diabetes, but he just couldn't figure it out. Coupled with the exhaustion, his gallbladder started acting up and whenever he drank cream (in coffee or other means) or other heavy fats, he would vomit everything up for a span of 2 hours or so and then feel like crap for a day or two. He gets seen by a number of specialists and finally, the cardiologist finds that his resting heart rate was something incredibly low, like in the 40s or thereabouts. My dad had a pacemaker installed and 2 months later, his gallbladder removed.

He was good as new, though us not going fishing with the boat (or even on land) even once that year, made it sink in that my father is getting older and is not able to do what he used to. That was a sobering year.

Fast forward to the past 18 months or so and he is, not complaining, but stating constantly that he is starting to lose feeling in his feet and slightly in his hands: this made me come back to reality again (as the pacemaker had him bounce back SO well) and realise that he REALLY doesn't have forever left... He could live another 20 years (he is, "only," 66), but for how many of those will he be around with all limbs intact and functioning? How will his quality of life be?

It's why I am saving up for one final overseas trip with him (have only taken one ever lol, all the other ones I haven't been with my wife, have been with my mother), to go fishing in either Costa Rica (cheaper, fishing not as good) or Guatemala (much more expensive, but fishing is literally, the best you can get in the world for our target species lol) as he has never fished on the ocean in his life.

Life is precious and even though we are always told to, "take it easy, enjoy life, etc." well, to enjoy life in certain ways, YOU NEED TO DO WHAT YOU CAN BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE. Striking a balance is hard.
 
danielmann861 said:
I'm sure he'll be okay after this. I hope he will be, but yeah, it's the first time I've started to realize that my parents are in their twilight years and it's kind of a frightening sobering reality check.

Still, just a scary sobering thought to come to terms with.
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My father is also starting to slow down; my mom died in 2019, and since then the effects have been apparent. This is the first year that a lot of activities have seriously tired him. I feel for you on that front; it can be depressing to see, even if it's the natural course of things.
It's also a good reminder to take care of ourselves (which you've clearly been doing, as the fitness thread shows); if nothing else, may that encourage you to keep going. You have my support in all of this.

Truck_1_0_1_ said:
Life is precious and even though we are always told to, "take it easy, enjoy life, etc." well, to enjoy life in certain ways, YOU NEED TO DO WHAT YOU CAN BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE. Striking a balance is hard.
Click to expand...
Ain't that the damned truth, the balancing act... (I'm sorry 2019 did the dance it did for both of us.)


So too/more generally, to others who have commented on their frustrations: you've my sympathy for your struggles. I know many here aren't religious, but I do usually keep "the Dojo" as a prayer for one or two of my daily Rosary beads. Maybe I am a fool to take Pascal's wager, but it's worth a shot!
 
At least you didn't used melee against your father, at the age of 4, because he took you back home from the arcade.
You are excellent sons.
The stiletto didn't fell of his butt, he had to pull it out because I was spirited.
 
Quick update on my dad. The infection was too far gone and they had to end up amputating two of his toes as the infection had spread too far. It had also spread into his third little toe but thankfully they caught it in time and think it can be saved with antibiotics.

This past week has been incredibly stressful for my mother, my siblings and myself. For the first time, we were faced with the reality that he won’t be here forever. And that was a painful reality to face. For all of my life, I’ve seen him as someone who was indestructible. I’ve seen him as someone who would always be there. I’ve never truly thought about either one of my parents leaving this world. This week's emergency really put that scare into me for the first time ever. And it was incredibly painful to think about.

But this is all part of the human condition and it's something we’re all going to have to face someday. One day, our loved ones will leave us. One day, we will also leave. And while that is a scary thought to face, it’s also a reminder.

It’s a reminder that we are all human and we all share the same condition. Social class, race and differences in belief be damned. At the end of the day, we’re all just flesh and bones. We’re all connected by the same fears and emotions. We’re all capable of love. And we’re all destined to watch those we love fade away someday. Thankfully for my family, that was not today. But it was a reminder that it will happen someday.

But most importantly, it’s a reminder to cherish the people we have in our lives. It’s a reminder to be grateful for all they’ve done for us. It’s a reminder to never take those moments for granted. It may be scary to confront the sober reality of what is to come, but it’s also a joy to live for the moments shared with those you love.

Cherish the time that they’re still here. Cherish every minute like it’s the last. Sure, I may not always have much in common with my Dad in terms of mutual interests. But to just have him by our side today was more than enough for me.

We're not out of the woods yet, there is always the fear of re-infection. Things will be different from here on out. But still, cherish that time while you have it. Never take it for granted.
 
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Hello my friends!
I have finally decided to drop by at the dojo forums after a hiatus. What exactly was going on in the past few months? A lot both positive and negative. The good news is that I finally resumed my programming cramming after a while and I am more than content that I have a very caring instructor who is always there for me and the club he just established. Also, we finally managed to fix the pipe leak at our Croatian vacation home. Moreover, I went to get my body assessed based on my structure and weight, and even though the results were abhorrent, I had a glimpse of hope for my healthy life. I cut back on the number of meals I consume every day and have upped the ante on my protein intake and have started swimming at the local pool.
December was the most depressing month for me, as I spiralled into depression once again, but managed to recover fairly quickly. This is one of the many reasons why I couldn't write anything on the forums. But now I'm feeling much better, although I could be working at the fitness studio already, if it wasn't for my country's bureaucracy.
Anyway, I certainly hope that this year becomes better for all of us. Here's hoping for a productive 2023!
 
Hello again everyone!
After another hiatus I have finally returned to the Dojo to give you all a heads up on what has been going on. You're probably wondering the following: Have I become a programmer yet? Am I doing fine? Have I been battling depression? Where am I heading next?
Well, I have answers to all of those questions: No, so-so, yes and the "relocation" is currently in progress.
Weeks ago me and my club received an E mail from our teacher saying that our club has been cancelled until further notice due to the conflict between two different schedules. The faculty staff has strict limitations, meaning that despite our classroom being empty at the time, there's always a possibility that someone else might need the room for other projects. Our club is currently disbanded, but that doesn't mean we'll stop with our dreams of becoming programmers.
I am currently doing so-so. Maybe it's the weather, maybe the fact that I'm unemployed and still living with my parents. But most importanly, the committee still hasn't come over to assess my condition. It has been over six months and after countless calls to them, they still haven't started with the process.
As a result, I am battling depression every now and then. To make matters worse, my psychiatrist is currently absent, meaning that my next visit will be at the end of this month, when it should have been last Wednesday.
Finally, my mom wants me to relocate and evict my home and start living at a special needs facility, which I strongly oppose. Because I still haven't been visited by the people of the committee, it would be pointless to jump to such conclusions. Moreover, I want to try to live on my own, but because of the situation it is once again pointless to do so, as it would only jeopardize everything.
I'll write again in the very near future, as I still need to visit an ultrasound specialist to examine the boil I have on my leg. Until then I'll check out some exciting news that have dropped yesterday, so once again I wish you guys nothing but the best, and I'll write again sometime this week.
 
Hello folks!
Back with another major update about what's been going on. As always, I have both good and bad news. The good news is that I had my deep tissue ultrasound done two weeks ago and the doctor found out that the boil is actually nothing but excess body fat. This means that I do not have to get it surgically removed, but just to be sure I need to schedule an MRI scan for some additional information and more importantly, I need to go on a diet and lose weight. Furthermore I am now excersizing on a semi regular basis and my fitness instructor is ready to give me more insight into a healthier and better life.
Unfortunately, there's also bad news. I found out, that the reason because I still haven't been visited by the committee is the fact that the workers at the center directed me towards the wrong facility all along, what makes this fact even more painful is that I found that out after almost 7 months! This means that I had to redo the entire process and now I can finally expect them to arrive at my home in a few weeks. Also, my parents keep arguing every now and then because of unknown and known reasons. The known reasons are because of their burnout syndrome and because we will probably have to demolish parts of our vacation home and also because of the overall feeling of everything becoming expensive.
But still, I manage somehow and am really looking forward towards my fitness program. Hopefully it'll come eventually and I'll be able to become more self-confident and healthy.
 
Hello guys!
Finally and I really mean F-I-N-A-L-L-Y, I received an answer from the committee. They are going to assess me on May 8 at 10:30 at the facility offices, which means that I can finally look forward to a much much healthier and better life. I will assign my personal trainer as an assistant (I have that right and he works in the same field), who will direct me and help me vastly improve my lifestyle, that was filled with depression and mostly sedentary style of living. Also, I want to thank everyone for sending me wonderful wishes, I really appreciate them. All this wait has finally paid off, now it's all in the hands of the committee. Wish me luck and I'll write again soon.
 
Hi all,

As I write this I am 24 hours away from leaving for Japan to be finally reunited with my girlfriend after 4 years apart. To say I am nervous is an understatement. It's been an intense few months since i've posted on here with friends and family, but for the most part things are going great. However, I always get suspicious when things are going too well because I keep thinking that something is bound to go wrong.

My biggest worry is that my dear dog Butters is almost on his way out. You may remember that in the last year Lucy-dog and Sam-cat have died and Butters hasn't got much to go. I'm actually impressed that at the age of 14 he's still going. His back legs have almost given up on him and his toes curl when he tries to walk. I imagine he must be in so much pain, but when I visit my parents a couple of times a week, he still smiles and loves having his belly rubbed. When Lucy-dog and Sam-cat died I couldn't cry, but I think that when Butters-dog eventually goes (and I keep worrying this is going to happen when i'm in Japan), i'm going to cry so hard for the 3 of them. We have buried Lucy-dog and Sam-cat in our garden with a little tree and fairy lights and no doubt Butters-dog will join them, but I just cannot get used to the concept of dying. I'm still a scared child when it comes to that. I pray that when he eventually goes, he goes on his own terms.

Since then we've had a new cat - Merlin and a new dog - Alfie and I love them both, but it's still painful to know that down the line i'll have to go through all this again.

Work wise, i've been having a bit of a pickle with my Aspergers in that there are days where I flitter about worrying more about what an obscure b-side from a 1970's jazz album is than doing my work, but I had such positive feedback at my annual review with my work, so I guess that's cool. I'm on a temproary secondment to another team and will likely go back to my old job. I appreciated my old team's honesty when they said that given my situation they weren't in the best place to help me, but my understanding is that this time apart has given them the breathing space to help me when I return. I want nothing more to be useful and help people, but also i'm trying to make the most of my time and I get angry when my time is wasted.

So yeah, back to Japan. I'm off for two weeks tomorrow and I will finally be proposing to my girlfriend. Luckily she has said yes already (just as well as we have an engagement party and a pretend wedding photo shoot next week!) We will be going to the Universal Studio's Nintendo theme park, the Snoopy musuem, Yokohama (where Yakuza 7 is set) to see the giant Gundam robot and most excitingly the new Studio Ghibli theme park! If I have time, I might go back to Yokosuka for Shenmue purposes, but only if we have time. I've also printed out an A3 double sided sheet of 300 items i'm looking for (mostly 2nd hand CD's and games) and pray that I can get close to my 37kg limit and not blow my budget!

I sometimes panic and worry why my girlfriend wants to be with me and there was a time I thought we were done as I didn't hear from her for 3 weeks during the pandemic. I also upset her by talking about marriage beforehand and ended up with a panic attack as she said she might not want to be with me (this was in 2019). She has since apologised and said her behaviour wasn't good and that she appreciated my honesty and sincerity and that she wasn't sure I was serious enough to keep the relationship going after I last saw her.

I am happy to say that as of a couple of weeks ago I've decided i've had enough of the medication i'm on. For what it's worth, it was only very minor (15mg) and I used the anxiety medication more as a sleeping tablet, but i've slowly weaned myself off it now to the point i'm on 7.5mg a day (half a tablet) and hopefully will be off it for good. But the nicest thing that happened lately was she sent me this a few months ago:

1682854629897.png

This included all my pets I've mentioned (Merlin-cat top left, Lucy-dog top right, Sam-cat middle-left, Alfie-dog bottom left and Butters-dog bottom right), but she put a little message at the back. She said "things won't be easy and I know we will have challenges, but together I believe we can do it. Let's do our best together!".

I believe we will.

See you in a couple of weeks. Wish me luck ❤️
 
Saw on Twitter that you've landed safe and sound, BC! Hope you're having a blast (well, probably sleeping now lol) and are anticipating your reuniting, tomorrow! :D
 
This might be my first post on the forums since it switched over. Used to be very active on the old ones back in the day, been registered for a good while though.

I've been in a rough spot for a while now. Was working at a place that fired half the staff but still expected the same work output. I never took breaks because there just wasn't time to do it. I broke my back for them.

I was looking for other work, but was being very selective, as the job I had was paying well and until I found something comparable, I'd have to stick it out.

That is, until they fired me a few weeks ago. I filed for unemployment immediately (which i need to do on a weekly basis). But I apparently did two of the weeks incorrectly so i'm not getting paid anything for half the time I've been out of work. I still have bills due, and my bank account is looking lower than I'd like. So whatever mistakes I made for those weeks are significant, and I've been really angry with myself about it.

I've been super anxious and extremely hard on myself this whole time. My wife had surgery a couple months ago and is still working through things with that, and has been having a hard time on her own, so I feel I need to be the supportive one, but that also means I haven't really been able to talk to her about my issues, because I don't want to burden her with more.

I've been putting in applications and I start orientation at another place on Tuesday, for a job as an emergency dispatcher. Which is definitely a good opportunity, but having a job where I might be responsible for people living or dying is also giving me some anxiety.

I appreciate giving a place for me to get things off my chest.
 
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