Mental Health Dojo

Hello again everybody!
I have fantastic news! The committee has approved my request of getting a personal assistant and just yesterday I started working out intensively for almost four hours. Of course this is only the beginning and my trainer will subsequently provide me with additional guidance and nutritional tips, as well as providing me with payment that will be slightly larger than what I got used to. I am so happy that I would want to jump all the way to the Moon right now. Healthier life and bodybuilding, here I come!
 
Father died nearly 3 weeks ago and it's turning into a right mess. So much I could say about it.

He had other children from a previous relationship to my mum. We've never really interacted with our half-siblings and have probably seen them on 3 different occasions throughout our life. We met soon after his death to discuss funeral plans which was all handled on "their" side (half siblings). Turns out the funeral plan my dad had in place was just to pay up front for his casket and carriage. Everything else has not been paid for. Even worst, the company he used for it went bust so the Β£5k he spent, we are only getting Β£1k back.

In his will, he also excluded everybody but his eldest daughter (on the other side). He told me before he died he didn't know what he signed and it was his elder daughter who basically said "sign here". So much to unravel and no step closer to a funeral.
 
Nathanial Essex said:
Father died nearly 3 weeks ago and it's turning into a right mess. So much I could say about it.

He had other children from a previous relationship to my mum. We've never really interacted with our half-siblings and have probably seen them on 3 different occasions throughout our life. We met soon after his death to discuss funeral plans which was all handled on "their" side (half siblings). Turns out the funeral plan my dad had in place was just to pay up front for his casket and carriage. Everything else has not been paid for. Even worst, the company he used for it went bust so the Β£5k he spent, we are only getting Β£1k back.

In his will, he also excluded everybody but his eldest daughter (on the other side). He told me before he died he didn't know what he signed and it was his elder daughter who basically said "sign here". So much to unravel and no step closer to a funeral.
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Firstly, I’m so sorry mate. Awful situation, truly. And the β€œwill” sounds dodgy - were there witnesses to the signing other than the eldest daughter?
 
JP_ said:
Firstly, I’m so sorry mate. Awful situation, truly. And the β€œwill” sounds dodgy - were there witnesses to the signing other than the eldest daughter?
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Tennants signed it as witnesses. I don't have the energy to dispute it to be honest. Also, it doesn't matter much as he gifted the house to the sister before he died. All dodgy dealings.
 
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@Nathanial Essex
Just that you're stronger than you think, buddy. You're gonna overcome this, and ironically will be in better situation -at least mental and emotionally- better than your elder sister vulture.
And my inbox its always open you know that.
... What she did, man, tricking an old man with his head in not the best of shapes, stays forever. No matter how much she pretends to don't care. I bet that nightmares will be common to her.
You won't, you will dream with him and he will be happy and proud of you acting with honor and not stepping in your own family.
 
Had a pretty bad falling out with my gf of 3 years because my job here in Chengdu is coming to an end. I thought it was all over but we both decided we want a future together so i have decided to come back to China after my trip to the UK. She is a great girl and talks a little like the girl in the Harbour Tomato store.
 
Can I just vent regarding the weight loss stuff?

I love getting called out by chicken shit assholes on IG with their little "suggestions"...."Go do cardio bro and eat less SMH"
One, I'm not your fucking "bro." I don't give two shits about you or your little condescending bullshit comments. And two, fucker! That's what I've been doing for 9 months! Walking 12K steps every fucking day! Doing some strength training. Trying to eat a little less everyday. Down from 225 to 176KG in 9 months.

And you still get chicken shit assholes who don't allow anyone to "mention" them in reply calling you out like they fucking know everything about you when the truth is they stumbled upon your reel through fucking hashtags and are looking to start shit. I know...don't feed trolls but fuck it!

Yeah, that's a vent because I fucking HATE social media at times. Not all the time. Most people are cool, but fuck these chicken shit assholes who don't know anything coming in and trying to tell you they know everything about you when they have no fucking clue what I've been doing and where I've come from.

Coach T Dub wants me to build this thing up on social. This is exactly why I don't want to do it. Because I don't want to deal with these fucking assholes. It's bad enough I put pressure on me let alone having the world judge me for what I'm doing "right and wrong"

SMFH...yeah, that's a vent. Can't say it on IG but I can say it here

Sorry, not sorry...I just needed to fucking vent. They don't fucking think it's hard enough for me to look at myself sometimes and think "this is all pointless, you're not losing anything" because I don't see much of a change at times without being judged by them for what I'm doing "right or wrong"
 
People can be very judgemental and hurtful at times. First, you're not anyones project.
danielmann861 said:
SMFH...yeah, that's a vent. Can't say it on IG but I can say it here

Sorry, not sorry...I just needed to fucking vent.
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I can 100% confirm, sir, that was a vent of the most fine quality. You vented, in fact, really well.

Edit: if you didn't watched yet South Park S26E01 about "personal image rebranding" allow me suggest a view.
 
I have decided im going to find a new city to live in with the gf and start working on life together. The uncertainty is now over and looking forward to finding new work and going on vacations to nice places with her. In the past i only went to places by myself and partied alot but thats not my life now and would be sad if i was still doing that at 40 lol
 
danielmann861 said:
Coach T Dub wants me to build this thing up on social. This is exactly why I don't want to do it. Because I don't want to deal with these fucking assholes. It's bad enough I put pressure on me let alone having the world judge me for what I'm doing "right and wrong"
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Social media is toxic. It's best not to expose our personal lives there, because rude strangers can pick them apart. If they keep pissing you off, turning your profile private, or at least making personal posts visible only to friends might be a good idea.

Your weight loss is mighty impressive. You're not alone in your fight buddy :) After being diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, I'm on a strict weight loss regime as well. Lost 21 kg so far. Let's keep up the pace!
 
Daily Propane said:
My final class this afternoon and my leaving party tonight and im expected to make a speech and have no idea what to say.
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Chat gpt is surprisingly good for this sort of thing. Tell it to write a leaving speech for you and maybe give it a couple tweaks, then you should be fine. Don’t sweat it! :)
 
I am in an awkward situation. When I was 12 my mum left my dad and got together with another guy who became pretty much my stepfather, though they did not actually marry until much more recently. In short the guy is an unbearable, boorish, controlling bully and my teenage years, which were already pretty horrible anyway, were made quite a bit worse by the fact that on several occasions he hit me.

I'm not really sure why but I didn't make a big deal of this until a year or two ago, when I decided I'd had enough of being silent about it. I told my mother I didn't want to see this man or come to her house anymore because he used to beat me - something I thought she was aware of, as on at least a couple of occasions she witnessed it happening. But she claimed ignorance, said she had no idea and asked why I was only saying something now and why I had always been happy to visit and have them visit me and my family before.

Anyway, in short I said there could be no question of moving on unless he apologised or at least showed some remorse, but there has been no sign of this, and indeed my mother seems not to care much either. (Indeed she finally married him *after* this conversation, in a risible tiny event my brothers and I found out about after the fact when we were sent pictures of the wedding over WhatsApp. "Surprise!")

A couple of years have passed since then and I have seen my mother occasionally, I talk to her regularly and I do generally get on fairly well with her so long as we stay off politics. I'm in a good place mentally, I have a great family of my own and generally I'd say we're doing pretty well, particularly as we have so little support (my parents are largely absent, my other half's parents live halfway across the world). I have been true to my word and stayed away from my mother's house. But now she has messaged me to ask if I want to bring my family to a barbecue there this summer. I of course do not want to go and she clearly knows this - but so far I have left the message without a response.

At the end of the day she's my mother and I know if I refuse it'll crush her. But at the same time, if we go, it creates the impression that somehow everything's OK now, and it is not. The idea of having to look at him and watch as they encourage my kids to call him "grandpa" makes my skin crawl.

What do I do? I suppose we must go, and I'll just have to hold my head high and let him see I'm stronger than he was and more of a father than he could ever be. But that doesn't mean I'm going to enjoy it.

Sorry for a bit of a ramble, but I think writing this down and getting it off my chest somewhat has helped a bit.
 
JP_ said:
I am in an awkward situation. When I was 12 my mum left my dad and got together with another guy who became pretty much my stepfather, though they did not actually marry until much more recently. In short the guy is an unbearable, boorish, controlling bully and my teenage years, which were already pretty horrible anyway, were made quite a bit worse by the fact that on several occasions he hit me.

I'm not really sure why but I didn't make a big deal of this until a year or two ago, when I decided I'd had enough of being silent about it. I told my mother I didn't want to see this man or come to her house anymore because he used to beat me - something I thought she was aware of, as on at least a couple of occasions she witnessed it happening. But she claimed ignorance, said she had no idea and asked why I was only saying something now and why I had always been happy to visit and have them visit me and my family before.

Anyway, in short I said there could be no question of moving on unless he apologised or at least showed some remorse, but there has been no sign of this, and indeed my mother seems not to care much either. (Indeed she finally married him *after* this conversation, in a risible tiny event my brothers and I found out about after the fact when we were sent pictures of the wedding over WhatsApp. "Surprise!")

A couple of years have passed since then and I have seen my mother occasionally, I talk to her regularly and I do generally get on fairly well with her so long as we stay off politics. I'm in a good place mentally, I have a great family of my own and generally I'd say we're doing pretty well, particularly as we have so little support (my parents are largely absent, my other half's parents live halfway across the world). I have been true to my word and stayed away from my mother's house. But now she has messaged me to ask if I want to bring my family to a barbecue there this summer. I of course do not want to go and she clearly knows this - but so far I have left the message without a response.

At the end of the day she's my mother and I know if I refuse it'll crush her. But at the same time, if we go, it creates the impression that somehow everything's OK now, and it is not. The idea of having to look at him and watch as they encourage my kids to call him "grandpa" makes my skin crawl.

What do I do? I suppose we must go, and I'll just have to hold my head high and let him see I'm stronger than he was and more of a father than he could ever be. But that doesn't mean I'm going to enjoy it.

Sorry for a bit of a ramble, but I think writing this down and getting it off my chest somewhat has helped a bit.
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You aren't rambling @JP_ but simply speaking loud your complications. We are departing so fast from humanity, it seems at times, because the stress produced by being or acting emotionals.
While we teach machines to cry of joy or sadness.
Allow me to suggest what you seem to already had decided by yourself (I'll say 60-40% at the moment of writting, and more secure now) you and your family go. First, it seems to me that your Mum isn't the only one who will feel bad for the abscence, but you will too. It could stay with you for a long time, as a burden.
So you go, and if you like, act as the opposite of your stepdad. If you bring your kids, shovel to him how you raise them with love and not control and violence. Act like you are the actor in a movie, who loves his mother a lot, its stronger than his abusive stepdad, shows-off, calls him "pops" in irony.
Of course, now that I'm gonna speak about the kids, this is not suggestion: under no circumpstances a child is forced to show affection to anyone. Give a kiss to the uncle/grandpa/friend of mum, etc. But if they call him grandpa without coercitive tricks, but because they want (or maybe because they get along) then just leave it be and stay vigilant. The truth is a bad father can be a good grandpa. You know what the red line is, going violent with your family, I even feel stupid by telling you.
Un abrazo, amigo.
 
Seaman said:
You aren't rambling @JP_ but simply speaking loud your complications. We are departing so fast from humanity, it seems at times, because the stress produced by being or acting emotionals.
While we teach machines to cry of joy or sadness.
Allow me to suggest what you seem to already had decided by yourself (I'll say 60-40% at the moment of writting, and more secure now) you and your family go. First, it seems to me that your Mum isn't the only one who will feel bad for the abscence, but you will too. It could stay with you for a long time, as a burden.
So you go, and if you like, act as the opposite of your stepdad. If you bring your kids, shovel to him how you raise them with love and not control and violence. Act like you are the actor in a movie, who loves his mother a lot, its stronger than his abusive stepdad, shows-off, calls him "pops" in irony.
Of course, now that I'm gonna speak about the kids, this is not suggestion: under no circumpstances a child is forced to show affection to anyone. Give a kiss to the uncle/grandpa/friend of mum, etc. But if they call him grandpa without coercitive tricks, but because they want (or maybe because they get along) then just leave it be and stay vigilant. The truth is a bad father can be a good grandpa. You know what the red line is, going violent with your family, I even feel stupid by telling you.
Un abrazo, amigo.
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Thanks, Seaman. That’s very helpful.
 
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